Competition Time: The 'All Priests Look-a-like Competition' has come round again and Henry Sellers, host of the almost popular 'Morning Quiz' is coming to judge it. Ted is determined that this year he will defeat his fellow priests from Rugged Island. Ted has a plan and Henry Sellers has an unfortunate sip of sherry.
Cigarettes & Alcohol & Rollerblading: With Easter fast approaching, Father Dick Byrne suggests that he and Ted call a truce and get on with the important business of giving up something for Lent. Ted gives up cigarettes, Jack gives up drink and Dougal gives up rollerblading. When they fall at the first hurdle, they ask for assistance in the form of Sister Assumpta, and a ten-step road to spirituality is rigorously enforced.
Song For Europe: Inspired by Dougal's enthusiasm, and driven by his rivalry with Father Dick Byrne, Ted decides to enter the 1996 Eurosong Contest. To this end, he and Dougal ' borrow' a tune from an old Eurosong hopeful and enter it as their own. With inspired lyrics, a jaunty tune and the right attitude, they stand a good chance. But fate has one more card to deal.
Speed 3: Mrs. Doyle is transformed into a giggling girl whenever the new milkman, Pat Mustard, pays a visit to the Parochial House. The transformation does not go undetected by Ted who can barely disguise his dislike of Pat's overt sexuality. Ted decides to play at private detective and ensures that Pat's job is no more. Who is to replace the errant milkman? Step in Father McGuire to save the day but untold danger lies ahead.
The Mainland: A trip to the mainland always leads to trouble, and Ted is deeply nervous at the prospect. What can possibly go wrong? Well quite alot. Ted's misgivings are justified as he has to bail Mrs. Doyle, Mrs Dineen and Father Jack out of prison and Dougal and Ted go on a tour of 'The Very Dark Caves.'
A Christmassy Ted: All Father Ted wants is a "nice quiet Christmas with no unusual incidents or strange people turning up." Could that ever be imaginable amidst the pandemonium of Parochial House? Why does Father Ted's prayer not come true? The Christmas special will reveal all...