Film Reviews by None

Having become a fan of 'Nordic noir' via tv programmes such a 'The Killing', 'Borgen', 'The Bridge','Those who kill' and (the brilliant) film adaptation of 'Jo Nesbo's Headhunters' - we gave this film a try. A simple plotline in which ex-cons who work in a fake Christmas tree factory win a large amount of cash on a bet on several football games. What could possibly go wrong? I won't spoil what happens but there's lots of blood, some ridiculous and incredibly amusing attempts to dispose of bodies and a shoot out in a strip joint/porn emporium as the protagonist's argue over who gets the share of the winnings. At 83 mins the time whizzed by and you don't even notice the subtitles. A total hoot from start to finish.

Where to start? Clearly I was in a romcom mood when I added this pile of nonsense to my list. This is one for undemanding teenage girls on a sleep over who have a sugar high and a lack of film appreciation. I digress...When a film like 'The Vow' states that it is 'inspired by true events' or 'based on a true story' this may not guarantee a good film. If you want something that does give a fairly unflinching depiction of real events, watch 'Snowtown' which gives an unsympathetic view of serial killers in Australia.

Alright 'The Vow' has all the signs of an 'Anistonville' style movie, whereby we are taken into a romantic world so remote from our own that we are won over by the wooden acting, dull dialogue, lack of any real humour and two leads who don't really have a spark of electricity between them. Sadly 'The Vow' does not have any of this and even the glimpse of Channing Tatum's naked ass did not send my spirits soaring. I can also only assume that Sam Neill and Jessica Lange needed the acting fee to pay some overdue taxes as they were completely wasted in this garbage. Watch Lange in 'American Horror Story' if you want to see her at her best and Neill in anything other than this - even 'Jurassic Park'.

This film sucked on so many levels I could go on for ever. This could so easily have been a really good romantic comedy but falls short in so many ways. Even 'The Proposal' with Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock had some redeeming features compared to this tosh. Although if you love Channing 'wish I were the guys who got Thor and Captain America' Tatum and Rachel simpering but so unfunny' McAdams, then your desires will be satiated. I will stick to my serial killers thankyou.