Film Reviews by None

Welcome to None's film reviews page. None has written 4 reviews and rated 39 films.

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Ad Astra

Minus 2

(Edit) 06/02/2020

I want to score this minus 2 simply for wasting 2 hours of my life that I will never get back. It's very slow going, very boring and has virtually no story to speak of.

There is almost no action so if you're an action fan there is nothing here for you. If you like a great story there is nothing for you either. If you like a psychological drama about characters there is nothing here for you because Brad Pitt's character is basically an unfeeling robotic moron and his father, played by Tommy Lee Jones, is just a lunatic and not worth searching for.

The ending is useless too but don't worry about that because you don't want to be watching this pile of crap anyway so the ending is the least of your worries.

In summary, don't bother because it's one of the worst films ever made.

15 out of 18 members found this review helpful.

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Isle of Dogs

Very disappointing

(Edit) 20/03/2019

Don't be fooled by all the good ratings and reviews, they must be mainly from fanboys/girls of the director!

This could have been good because the basic story is an interesting one, I won't go into details about that because there is no point in that as I don't consider the film itself worth wasting your time on.

The animation is very weird and disappointing by modern standards and the direction is all over the place. There is a terrible propensity nowadays for almost all films and TV shows to keep flitting back and forth through time, using flashbacks, different realities and alternative dimensions and it's something I absolutely hate. Because of that it seems that everyone has to do it to some extent and that is the case here also when there is absolutely no need for it.

To give you the best idea of how good this film is let me close by saying that my wife fell asleep and missed the second half of it and I nodded off myself a couple of times too. That is something I never do when watching films or TV so that tells you everything you need to know about this film.

1 out of 2 members found this review helpful.

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The Shape of Water

Could have been good but turned into something very very weird!

(Edit) 27/02/2019

I feel compelled to give an honest review of this as I was duped by all the good reviews and the rating into thinking it was worth watching. Instead I wasted 2 hours of my life which I will never get back.

It could have been an interesting sci-fi movie as the overall concept was sound, however it was ruined by absolutely awful direction, ridiculous plot holes, terrible characters and some truly bizarre scenes that were totally unnecessary. For a start we are meant to believe that a secret government/military research laboratory employs an outside private laundry service whom they allow to wander around anywhere and when they bring in 'The Creature' they leave it in the middle of the floor whilst they have a chat and the cleaners, of which the research staff seem completely oblivious, are allowed to approach and inspect it! Not only that but when the creature suddenly slams it's webbed and clawed hand against the glass, the cleaner (who is the main character and is mute) doesn't jump a mile like any normal person would but instead she looks at it longingly and falls in love with it!

That is only the start of the ridiculousness and from there on in it just gets weirder and weirder as it goes on. I could go into detail similarly about lots of other scenes but there is no pint as that would just be wasting your time and mine. I wasted enough time watching this crap in the first place. Do yourself a favour and don't make the same mistake.

0 out of 0 members found this review helpful.

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The House of Magic

Can't believe I hadn't seen this earlier.

(Edit) 10/08/2018

This film deserves to be better known, I had missed it completely! It's great fun for adults and children, probably aimed more at kids but as a 59 year old I still loved it,.

The story is good, the characters are interesting and well animated and there isn't a dull moment in it.

I would recommend this to anyone.

0 out of 0 members found this review helpful.