Film Reviews by porky

Welcome to porky's film reviews page. porky has written 208 reviews and rated 207 films.

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Mortal Engines

Mortally Obvious

I found it incredibly Obvious and slightly Irritating .

Just Steampunk Heavy Style without a Strong enough Story.

Who Cares who wins,you don't really know anything about Anyone enough to care for them because it is all Visual Heavy and Character Light .?

Too Much CGI for my liking.Personally I can Abide Animation,it is Flat,Cold and Dead ,I loose interest quickly with it .

If you have ever seen 'Monty Pythons Meaning Of Life' it begins with a Fake Film Short ; 'The Scarlet Permanent Assurance ' about an Investment Bank that becomes a Pirate Ship....This is Just THAT small Python sketch ,totally Ripped Off and Made into a Full Movie .

I couldn't wait for it to finish .

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The Possession of Hannah Grace

Hanna show some Grace dear ...

Not a Bad Horror considering it is just a Rip Off of the earlier 'Autopsy of Jane Doe' only this time instead of a Witch she is Possessed .

Not bad effects and acting Though a bit slow to get going .and a slightly irritating back story to Troubled characters getting over Addiction and PTSD etc... Just to make sure NOBODY believes them when they start to see things are happening that shouldn't be .

Certainly Watchable .one of the better Possession Movies of recent times.

1 out of 1 members found this review helpful.

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The Exorcism of Karen Walker

Cant even be bothered to remember what it was called it was soo bad .....

Good Grief , How Low Budget and Pointless does something need to be before they just don't release it on DVD ...well this one is about there .

It was Soo Obvious what every character was going to do next you didn't need to watch it.

Everyone in the story was a stupid version of the most stupid people that do the stupidest things in Horror Movies .

If someone has told you Don't Do That ,you know it is the very next thing they are about to do .in Every single case.

Just DON'T WATCH IT.

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Possum

Pissom off

Low Budget like some early David Lynch Experimental Movie.

Creepy and Arty . But more like a piece of Performance Art/Experimental Art Film than Horror .

Disappointing by the end of it .as it felt like it was building to something better.

Passes as a BBC Style Christmas Ghost story Short Film. in a similar way that 'Whistle and I will come to you ' is creepy .

I couldn't bare to sit through it more than the once .it is just soo slow moving .

But an Interesting Oddity . Just don't expect Quality.

Closer to 'Eraserhead' than 'Alien' if a comparison helps .

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A Quiet Place

SHhhhhhhhhh!

For a film with little or No Talking it easily kept your interest in the characters and their predicament.

The story unravels slowly but you learn that the World is now home to a New Alien Predator that is Deaf and Hunts via Sound only.and over the last almost 2 years people have learnt to Stay Quiet or Die .

Living their every day lives in Silence using only Sign Language to talk . Mum is pregnant and the oncoming Birth is a frightening and tense time in a World where the sound of a Baby Crying will get Everyone Killed .

Well wort a watch or two ...... Interesting though basic Monster Story gets a strange and clever Twist from its almost silent Soundtrack.

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Upgrade

Upgrade to Great

Very interesting and entertaining action sci-fi movie.

Clever and well made and rather unusual .

Kept you interested in the character and you really didn't have to wait too long for the story to begin unfolding so no getting bored which is always a boon.

You cold see the end twist coming a mile off but putting that aside it was still a gripping piece of story telling with good effects and some stellar acting in an otherwise low budget production.

Certainly didn't look Cheap, as some low budget Sci-fi can do .

Worth watching more than the once in my opinion.

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The Gatehouse

Gateways supermarket ?

This Movie is Soo Low Budget I thought maybe I had made it myself by absentmindedly leaving my camera on one day.

Daft story, Slappable Child,Bad Acting,what can I say . Watch it if you dare .

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Ocean's 8

Oceans Best

I love a Great Crime Caper Movie ,I loved the earlier Oceans Movies,I loved also the slick TV show Hustle, I equally love Women Criminals and have Always Enjoyed Women's Prison Shows like Prisoner,Cell Block H, Wentworth Prison, Widows and Orange is the New Black .so THIS movie is perfectly made for me .

It really doesn't disappoint, Slick, Clever, Caper-tastic ,Fun and a Great Cast .

The only bit I would wrinkle my nose at is the subtle sexism involved here .Unlike the earlier Oceans Movies hitting Underworld Run Casinos and Gangsters Bank Vaults etc... Its Women ,so they steal Pretty Jewelry from a Fashion Event .

But as far as you can see through that Obvious Misogynistic Female Trope it is a Fabulous piece of Entertainment .

I wil certainly be Buying a copy to watch again and again. along with my other Oceans Capers .

1 out of 2 members found this review helpful.

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Cannibal

Cannibal ? I nearly ate my own leg out of Boredom

Ok, to be fair, It isn't a BAD Movie, and I actually Liked it ,BUT it was sooooo slow moving it almost put me to sleep ,

Much of the movie just has you 'Knowing' he is eating people you just don't see anything but a man going to work, talking to some people and sitting eating a meal....Always the same meal and it is always a piece of cooked meat on a plate with no accompanying veg .

Nothing very exciting happening , some people go missing , he still goes to work, and later sits eating ... not a lot else happens really.

Basic, Simple, Dark but absolutely No Excitement ,Entertainment or much Story.

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2036 Origin Unknown

Origin, Who Cares ?

Super Cheap Sci-fi movie, some pretty bad special effects at times. though more watchable than some I've seen made on a shoestring.

Think a confused cross between CUBE, 2001 A Space Odyssey , Terminator and some End of the World / Nuclear Apocalypse Movie.

It Entertained me but I did spend my time looking at the clock and thinking I wonder when it ends ....

I didn't actively dislike it ,but it really was only slightly better than turning the TV off and sitting in the dark.

1 out of 1 members found this review helpful.

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Bad Times at the El Royale

Good times....and Bad

A Stomping Good Adventure .

It is hard to see where it is all going at first but it gets twisted and complicated and ultimately very enjoyable .

Crime of many kinds all lead to the El Royale Motel .Robbery ,Kidnapping,Cult Murder,Drugs,Gambling,Blackmail,Porn,Politics and Soul.

A Great Cast and Unusual Characters make for an Interesting and Thrilling Caper .

Worth more than a second Watch. and some Great Music .

3 out of 4 members found this review helpful.

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Ant-Man and the Wasp

Get the Bug Spray !

I like Marvel Movies, Ant Man has been very entertainingly Funny . Wasp is Good ,Stylishly Physical and Agile like the Black Widow in Avengers Movies.Together they make an interesting Duo but sadly the Bad Guys they are set against are always a bit Low Key and not in any way in need of 'Superhero' input.

Its entertaining enough but not worth a second watch as far as I can see. Nothing much going on to make it worthy of watching .

Story is a bit dull. Bad Guys are a bit Stupid and the Ghost cant even control her own power ,she just needs medical aid.

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Bad Samaritan

Samaritas are Creepy

Possible SPOILERS.....Not a Bad Movie but it is hard to take David serious as a Baddie ,especially when he is putting on such a Bad American Accent. Why couldn't he just have his own voice ?

Creepy ,but we don't get to see much of what is going down until it has already happened so it looses out on the intensity of any Dark Crime taking place to Frame our Hero..

Bit slow in opening up about this character and his Years of Serial Kidnap and Murder. we don't actually find that out till almost the very end.

Watchable but doubtful I will see it a second time. That Accent was just too annoying .

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The House with a Clock in Its Walls

Clocks ? Who cares .

Slightly annoying and Twee Family Movie about Witches and Wizards and Warlocks and magic and the end of the World....Wait didnt we already see that all happen in Harry Potter ?

yep, a Budget Harry Potter like Movie but with the annoying Jack Black in .

Goofy Comedy ? hmm....well the Jack Black bits are .

The rest is held together by the wonderful Cate Blanchett who is undeniably the hero of the hour here .

It comes across as an episode of Lemony Snicket so if you liked that you will probably Love this , I didn't so I actually Hated it but can see that many will Love it .

Entertaining enough Family Magic. but soo sweet it made me want to puke .

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The Nun

Looking for Scares ...there were NUN

Very basic and uninteresting Ghost Movie.

The Conjuring set this up to be Super Scary and Creepy with the appearance of the painting of the Nun and how it Badly effected the Main Character and Ghost Hunter in the first 2 Movies ,but in reality it is the run of the mill Convent Ghost story.Nothing special and certainly not the Horror Movie of the year .

The Horrifying Nun was Sadly Underused with a Tired story about Gateways to Hell etc...yadda Yadda yadda ....heard it all before .

Entertaining but unlike the rest of the Conjuring movies, I wouldn't watch it a second time, just not interesting enough .

Interesting only for the Beginning and Ending Tie in sequences taken from the original Movie to link them together .

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