Felicitations fans of the beautiful game. Lords of the manor Mark and Lard here with a collection of hilarious own-goals, cock-ups, brawls and howlers to delight head-the-balls of all ages. Being toffs ourselves we like nothing better than to relax after a hard day's shooting (Not that we actually shoot anything because Lard's a vegetarian and anyway the guns are plastic and don't really work) by laughing at the antics of common people and their football nightmares. Now you too can join us in poking fun at these poor unfortunates with this top of the range video (or video if you're behind the times). It will also provide a rare chance for our millions of loyal fans to see how we live in a much bigger and better house than them because we get paid loads for doing stuff like this. With deepest gratitude, Mark and Lard.