Film Reviews by JD

Welcome to JD's film reviews page. JD has written 33 reviews and rated 41 films.

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Geostorm

Horrendous

(Edit) 05/10/2019

What is this?

My partner spent the entire film saying what was going to happen next, causing much merryment. Yes, its that predictable.

Did this film even have a writer or director? It looks like it built from some 'how to make a basic appeal to everyone film' Template.

Its just terrible. I rented it hoping for some awesome extreme weather special effects. These were few and far between.

This is one properly bad film, that sadly treats itself like a some sort of blockbuster.

All i can say is thank the lord for Cinema Paradiso. I can chalk this up to experience and rent something from the 80's or by a proper director to make up for it!

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Security

Terrible

(Edit) 29/09/2019

Watching this strikes up thoughts of

Precinct 13 - small group defending against a mass of attackers.

this flips it around tho having highly trained (yet incredibly incompetent) mercenaries against unarmed security guards. And a little girl.

John Wick.

Where KR conducts his activities with incredible realism, our hero here goes about his stuff in true film set style. I cant say to much however as i spent most my time looking at my phone.

Die Hard

Each villain here possed a problem for John. In Security, each unarmed teenager posses a serious problem for multiple ex-special forces evil henchmen. I really do wonder where they find these henchmen.

And thats not to mention the above are simply far better films. Given the material to copy from how do they get these films so wrong?

Im guessing by the complete lack of laughs its not a spoof or a comedy.

Best avoided - there is good reason its only available on DVD.

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Holmes and Watson

Looks like im the only person who enjoyed this!

(Edit) 05/08/2019

I found this film highly amusing. Yes its silly but by the same token i dont think its meant to be a documentary.

Much like many modern films if you leave your brain at the door its ok. Lets face it, the humour is better than the action is in most action films - which get much better reviews than this film does.

It mindless entertainment and isnt pretending to be anything more.

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Mortal Engines

Great concept, tedious story

(Edit) 26/06/2019

I loved the universe and the visuals. The film was also big on sound. So for me it was well worth watching.

But the story was tedious and by the numbers. Straight out the 5 steps to writing your first story guide.

It was one of those films where i really wanted team bad to win. They didnt actually seem that bad and the bad back story sounded like some guardian propaganda.

None of the characters were remotely interesting or likeable.

So poor film, but probably worth a watch if you are running a cinema style setup.

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Halloween

Maybe i needed to watch the original?

(Edit) 26/05/2019

I think ive seen an older halloween film (the one where they play a creepy tune to kids and cockroaches appear and stuff) but not the proper one with JLC in.

This film just felt a bit empty to me. Right from that first scene which i think is trying to be creepy, but isnt. Its just silly.

You get all your typical - we will be safer if we actively search for our ends on our own - lazy directing and scripting stuff. JLC goes all sigourny weaver which is a bit old. Literally in this case.

I dont mind if a film lacks plot if it has something to make up for it. And unfortunately silly (in a bad way) isnt it.

On the bright side at least our villain gets through a fair few people i didnt mind seeing an untimely end to.

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Mile 22

Horrible film

(Edit) 27/04/2019

This is terrible stuff. Right from the start this is the sort of film that has you routing for the bad guys.

The hero team are an unlikable, uninteresting bunch. Mark W's Character taking the biscuit by just being incredibly annoying. And pointless.

The film could be saved by the action tho. No.

Gun fights are predictable and boring. Poorly directed, edited and shot.

But never fear, some asian guy who knows martial arts is brought in for some chop soki action. No there to. The action - as is all the action in the film made near unwatchable (as in make me feel motion sick) with the shaky cam and constant cuts to hide the fact the director doesnt know what he is doing and none of the actors know how to fight or shoot. I feel sorry for the Asian guy as it looks like he might be half good.

this is a truly dire film. But worse still seems to be the pattern these days. Diversity, marketing opportunities and a big hollywood name are what sells films it seems. Not realistic, believable, exciting action.

Ah, but wait, there is one good thing about this film. The ending, and im not being sarcastic. If you make it to near the end, hang it out. It brought a smile to face and the word 'Winner' sprung to mind. If only they could of put it into a decent film.

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Hostiles

slow, dark, miserable and highly unlikely.

(Edit) 24/03/2019

Certainly a film to split opinion this one.

Its all extremely unrealistic and unlikely. The person who directed clearly had no idea how guns work or any basic understanding of logistics. Even the single fist fight is like 'uh, ok im going along with this... but..'

Its also incredibly slow and the death count vs cast is silly, although clearly done to try and pull on those emotions. Its no better than an old predictable horror.

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Hereditary

Not up to the hype

(Edit) 10/03/2019

As the first half hour dragged through i thought id check out IMDB.

I thought id found the wrong film, it was full of 90-100% marks!

A quick read of a couple it just sounds like peer pressure. Someone said the slowness made it a great horror so everyone jumped on board.

Fact is this is just like any half decent horror, only spread out far slower and longer than it needs to be. The first 90minutes has you wondering if this is just some family drama and you mis read the horror bit on the synopsis.

It doesnt really explain whats happening either. And no, this isnt so you use your imagination - its just lazy writing and directing.

Yes, half of what you need is explained at the end in the part of the film that actually moves at a decent pace. But there are still lots of bits that would not only be interesting to know but add some more depth and interest to the film.

Im giving it 3 stars tho, as a horror its not bad. It could of been much better if it was sped up and added a bit more depth.

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Solo: A Star Wars Story

Soulless

(Edit) 17/02/2019

I recently re-watched the original stars and one thing stood out. There was one thing that made it a great film.

In its day you can see how it would be good, but today things have moved on. One thing hasnt however, and that was the incredibly charismatic Harrison Ford.

He was head and shoulders above everyone else.

So what do disney do. Make another starwars film about the character made a legend by HF.

Its not going to work is it.

And the problem is, its a pretty dull film anyway. Devoid of any character, humour, tension or interest.

The best bit is the android that identifies as female. Its the only laugh in the whole film.

Maybe itll appeal to its target audiance (mid teens) who dont know any better, but to us older people who have seen classic sci-fi come and sadly go and great actors such as Harrison Ford it hugely lacking.

I fear we are in a period of clones. Films ticking boxes to please those 15 year olds going to the cinema.

The monster was pretty cool.

And the actual bad guy was a pleasing addition. But those 3 goods things sadly dont save over 2 hours of tedium.

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The Predator

What is this?

(Edit) 23/02/2019

This is a truley terrible film if compared to the original. Infact its the worst of any Predator films by a very long way.

Im wondering if shane black was trying to do something a bit different. With the kid, female scientist, friendly 'dog', misfits etc maybe it was an attempt to redirect Predator into something more 'today'.

But thats not a good thing, plus the film still stinks like a Yautja's armpit.

and how useless are the 'bad guys'. Im thinking the odd postman comment by the kid was related to everyones day job. As they certainly werent from any armed forces!

I was willing to give this film the benefit of the doubt. But no, dont watch it.

And the end? what on earth is that final scene?

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A Quiet Place

so full of holes it drowns

(Edit) 23/02/2019

Great monsters, and some ok ideas.

But, the plot holes are scattered like craters on the moon.

It looks like who ever wrote or directed this had no idea how to string ideas into a cohesive plot.

I know films you sometimes need to leave your brain at the door, but in such cases the film needs to avoid making you think. And thats a big mistake here, it has you thinking and as soon as that happens it falls to pieces.

Its also very slow moving, which is another mistake - your sat thinking about why it makes no sense even more.

And of course all this means its all very, very predictable.

Probably worth watching for the monsters, but prepare to be disappointed.

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The Equalizer 2

Terrible. Really terrible

(Edit) 14/02/2019

I remember the original was an ok film. This isnt.

Its incredibly boring, with the plot being something about tying up loose ends. Really, that IS the plot and it makes no sense at all.

Denzel mean while drives around dishing out justice in utterly random and inexplicable vigilante style. As with many new films if you see a middle aged white guy its pretty safe to assume he is bad/evil/stupid/inept/a villain/Generally deserving of a good beating

And why do guys with the same training as our hero blunder into his arms so helplessly?

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Entebbe

balanced but whats with the ending?

(Edit) 03/01/2019

While pretty dull overall, i liked the balance in the story. From the naive german pair, the extreme but badly hurt Palestinian terrorists to the blood thirsty Israelis defending themselves with a leader who desperately wanted to resolve the whole conflict once and for all in a peaceful manor.

The film is likely most remembered for its ending however. Regardless of your view on Israel the entebbe mission is a classic, and it was pretty much skipped and replaced with a peculiar dance scene (really!) To me it looked like the director was either scared of failing in reproducing the action or felt dancing instead of shooting might win them a gong at the Caan festival......

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The Meg

Great monster, Great films to copy from.. how can they get it so wrong?

(Edit) 22/12/2018

I dont get how you can make a film this bad.

The cast are awful. Infact only the evil corporation guy comes across entertaining. The script is terrible, the plot laughable.

CGI is far to obvious.

Its almost like they have gone out of there way to make it as bad as possible.

Come to think of it, that episode of peppa pig when they went sailing is better than this (it really is)

On the bright side it shows how good the original Jaws was. Less action, less budget, less diverse cast, ropey effects. Yet it eats the meg alive.

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Black Panther

As per everyone else

(Edit) 09/10/2018

Pretty poop film tbh.

Bad guy was just a white south african to laugh at, cgi was abound and not that good. Plot was pretty dull, acting was a bit meh and im not sure what they were getting at with all the anti white people stuff and making out as if keeping wealth to yourself was a good thing.

I was starting to get bored of marvel films. Its just the same thing every time.

But atleast the other films were entertaining with the wit and charisma of the main cast. This is just so bland.

0 out of 2 members found this review helpful.
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