"Football My Arse: Watcha – I’m Ricky Tomlinson. But you might know me better as Jim Royle or Mike Bassett... or that scouse git off the telly! Anyway, like you, I love my footy - I could watch it ‘til the cows come home! People don’t believe me when I tell them that, they reckon I’m talking a load of old ‘Bullocks’! Right, what have I got for you then? Well, a bit of everything – the good, the bad and the bleedin’ daft. Oh and goals, lots of them – well you’ve got to have goals haven’t you. Bizarre goals, embarrassing goals, I’ve even chosen my Top 10 – well not my Top 10 ‘cos I haven’t scored any, but you know what I mean. What else – goalies getting it all wrong, referees doing their worst, pitch battles, injury time incidents. Oh, just watch these incredible clips, it’s Football My Arse!"