Film Reviews by Alphaville

This more-ish thriller (hardly the ‘horror’ film it’s sometimes pitched as) opens with an intriguing mystery as a whole class of children (except one) disappear. We then follow the interlocking stories of those involved (teacher, parent, detective etc.) as they seek an explanation. What makes this different is that we follow events from the POV of each person in turn, which means we watch previously-seen scenes from a new point of view that moves the plot forwards. All this adds up to a kaleidoscope of narrative that really draws you in. The eventual revelation of what’s going on is suitably weird and the frenzied action of the final act will have you glued to the screen.

A film of 3 acts, each one set earlier in time. The first act is an interesting fantasy set at the end of the world as we know it (there are even exploding planets). It’s not overly woke and it does make you want to know more. Unfortunately there will be no explanation and there’s barely any connection with acts 2 and 3, which follow the day-to-day life of a different character (the eponymous Chuck). Even worse, act 2 is mainly an overlong street dance, and act 3 also has a lot of pointless dancing in it. Probably more interesting is the set of Extras, where the cast make failed attempts to explain what it’s all about. Something to do with isn’t life wonderful etc. Still, it’s well made and keeps you watching, even if it’s ultimately pointless. They should have stuck with act 1 and followed it through.

Uninspired remake in which a marriage falls apart comedically (if only). Benedict Cumberbatch and Olivia Colman act their socks off. The tell-all trailer will be enough for most people to make their minds up about it. More cringingly embarrassing than funny. Whoever thought a remake of The War of the Roses was a good idea anyway?

If Hollywood cgi movies usually bore you (especially creature and superhero nonsense), try giving this a shot. Despite what some nerdy reviewers say, there are some neat set-pieces here among the boring bits. It opens badly with the main characters regaling us with their back stories, and ends in anti-climax on a night-time indoors set with the usual ‘it’s behind you’ jump scares. The middle hour, though, features some exciting set-pieces in attractive (if cgi) landscapes. The dinosaur river chase and especially the impressively-filmed section involving rock climbing on a huge cliff-face alone make the film well worth a watch.

In this belated and vastly disappointing third film in the trilogy, society has gone back to rural basics in small communities barricaded against the ragers. It’s like a sea-level version of the previous year’s more exciting Elevation. The shallow, stupid plot has a father take his 12yo son out into rager-infested woods with bow and arrows just in case… and you can guess what happens. For a whole hour. What was originally thrilling is now played out just for grotesque blood-letting without the original’s exciting music. After that the film winds down to a time-filling meeting with a mannered Ben Kingsley and an absolutely ludicrous ending that proves the production team has completely lost the plot. The sole DVD interest lies in the technical Extras, which feature the director talking about the extra wide screen and use of various cameras… alas to no avail.

Fun creature feature in the tradition of A Quiet Place. The interesting premise (the creatures can’t go above 8000ft) gives the film a scenic backdrop in the Rocky Mountains above Boulder, Colorado… and good to see that aliens haven’t gone metric. The film’s good to look at, the community of high-living enclaves of what remains of humanity is well-portrayed, and the wide-open vistas give room for energetic action sequences instead of the usual boring off-screen jump scares in dark rooms. The film breaks no new ground but, at a lean 80 minutes, it’s great entertainment.

Aka Number One Fan, this is so good it’s amazing it’s not been remade by Hollywood. Who will come out on top in this battle of wits between the accidental killer, the willing accomplice and the cops who’re closing in on them? The plot keeps blindsiding us and the twists and turns will have you grinning with tension.

Can’t understand the favourable reviews of this film, surely one of the usually-reliable Christopher Nolan’s most misguided. The by-the-numbers plot is as you would expect and the action is just an awful mishmash of fight moves and flash-bangs, over-edited to the destruction of thrills or meaning. A total bore from start to finish.

Severely lacking in plot and pace, this so-called thriller is mostly just an evocation of life in a black township in America’s Deep South in the 1930s. Our way into this community is via two unpleasant gangsters returning to their hometown, so there’s no-one here to maintain interest and fill the plot gap. After an hour and a half a brief plot develops out of the morass and suddenly we’re watching a laughable vampire movie. If you’re into gore, you could zap most of the film and just watch the ending, but otherwise there’s little point in enduring it.

In this ridiculous one-note, mostly one-location drama, our heroine is on a blind date in a restaurant while an unknown baddie keeps threatening her family on her phone. It’s unbelievable, repetitive, boring… As if in recognition of this, the film opens with a supposed flash forward action teaser to encourage the viewer to keep watching. Don’t hold your breath. This ruse is always an admission of failure. What action occurs at the end is just comedy ridiculous anyway. Just shut that irritating pinging phone off!

A worthy addition to the John Wick universe. Unlike the Marvel Universe, this one’s for adults. With only a walk-on part for Keanu Reeves, it’s left to killing machine heroine Ana de Armas to fight her way through two hours of entertaining bedlam. Resourceful baddies, crunching fight sequences not ruined by jigsaw edits, a rousing electronic rock score and dynamic directing from Len Wiseman (perhaps his best film yet). No social realism, boring plot exposition, filler talkathons, woke nonsense etc. Great set of DVD Extras too. So why not five stars? The drawn-out flame-throwing climax, with a lacklustre cameo from Keano, is a disappointment. It may have looked original on paper, but it lacks the hand-to-hand gusto of earlier confrontations. Otherwise, Ballerina revels in the image and is pure cinema.

It opens with Florence Pugh complaining out loud as she decimates baddies. Ho-hum. No jeopardy, no tension, no thrills… Soon she asks, in what is either a mistake or a wry comment from the scriptwriter: What is the point of all this? Of course, the only answer is grabbing money from undemanding Marvel kiddies. How has film come to this? Will it never end?

Call Me By Your Name increasingly appears to have been one-off brilliant. Director Luca Guadagnino now seems drawn to horror. This mix of love story and cannibalism just doesn’t work. The love story is unconvincing and the silly graphic bloodshed is for die-hard horror fans only. Even for an interesting actor like Timothée Chalamet there are limits to a shallow character. As for bloodthirsty Mark Rylance, his mannered performance just grates.

Humourless pantomime about in-yer-face lesbians getting involved with gangsters. The characters are excruciating, the would-be jokey dialogue falls flat, the plot is skeletal. Even with a mere 74 minutes run-time, it’s depressing from start to finish. And if you think the film is bad, like, watch the extras, like, where the actresses, like, are even worse when talking about how wonderful they are.

Although directed with a strong hand by the reliable Martin Campbell, this is an odd concoction. Mixing gritty discussions about the Northern Ireland ‘troubles’ with Jackie Chan action scenes makes for uneasy viewing. The ageing and grim-faced Jackie (said to be 61 in the film) doesn’t convince and seems to belong to a different film. Still, Pierce Brosnan is riveting as an equally grim-faced ex-IRA man and the film remains oddly watchable.