Film Reviews by Alphaville

Slow, deliberate, downbeat talkathon about Odysseus’ return from the siege of Troy to his home island of Ithaca. Director Paoslini’s deadening hand gives his actors no chance as they enunciate their lines to camera with laughably intense import. Ralph Fiennes has to emote, Juliette Binoche has to sulk. None of it is believable while the plot (such as it is) trundles along with endless court rivalries about who shall be the next king.

It’s more like a BBC heritage drama than a big-screen feature film (‘I Claudius‘ was far superior). According to the DVD Extras, Pasolini had been trying to get the script written for 30 years and the angle he chose to highlight was family dynamics. Yep, you heard right. No wonder it took so long to get the green light. One of the great sagas of ancient history reduced to the level of a stagey and inconsequential soap opera.

After the refreshing original, this played-for-laughs sequel is a resounding misfire. Our hero’s indestructability is now so OTT that it’s ridiculous. Neither funny nor exciting. The fight scenes are filmed too close-in with a wobble-cam and over-edited to destruction. The rappy/poppy score is a pain. Sharon Stone and Christopher Lloyd overact in bit parts. The fairground firefight climax is too corny for words. A shoot-em-up for brain-dead gamers only.

Affectionate sequel 41 years after the original, made even more poignant after what happened to director Rob Reiner. The humour’s more intermittent and strained this time around, with a paltry 80-minute run-time further reduced by giving boot-licking cameos to Paul McCartney and Elton John. Still, if you’re a Tap fan it’s good to catch up with the band and the film has its moments both nostalgic and funny.

Diverting, bucolic little movie like only the French seem able to make, about a girl who gives up a job in the city to buy a goat farm in the Alps. An hour and a half in the Alps from the comfort of your armchair. What’s not to like?

Not a patch on the original. For an hour and a half this is pretty dull stuff, with grizzled Gerard Butler and blank-featured O’Shea Jackson planning to rob a diamond centre in Nice. The last half-hour is more exciting, with the robbery finally getting underway followed by a car chase in the Maritime Alps, but it’s hardly enough to save the movie.

An OTT mess of CGI visuals to attract flash-bang gamers with the attention span of a gnat. Makes you sad all over again for Christopher Reeve.

It tries hard but seems strung out even with an 80 minutes run time. There are a few good jokes, but most fall flat and some will make you cringe at their awfulness. It sorely misses Abrahams and the Zuckers, who wrote and directed the original. If only the remake had studied their 15 rules of comedy (look them up)

A couple talk to each other in a variety of spaces while the wobbly camera records them to simulate action. When it’s this bad to watch, what there is of a plot is irrelevant. This would look better on the radio.

This more-ish thriller (hardly the ‘horror’ film it’s sometimes pitched as) opens with an intriguing mystery as a whole class of children (except one) disappear. We then follow the interlocking stories of those involved (teacher, parent, detective etc.) as they seek an explanation. What makes this different is that we follow events from the POV of each person in turn, which means we watch previously-seen scenes from a new point of view that moves the plot forwards. All this adds up to a kaleidoscope of narrative that really draws you in. The eventual revelation of what’s going on is suitably weird and the frenzied action of the final act will have you glued to the screen.

A film of 3 acts, each one set earlier in time. The first act is an interesting fantasy set at the end of the world as we know it (there are even exploding planets). It’s not overly woke and it does make you want to know more. Unfortunately there will be no explanation and there’s barely any connection with acts 2 and 3, which follow the day-to-day life of a different character (the eponymous Chuck). Even worse, act 2 is mainly an overlong street dance, and act 3 also has a lot of pointless dancing in it. Probably more interesting is the set of Extras, where the cast make failed attempts to explain what it’s all about. Something to do with isn’t life wonderful etc. Still, it’s well made and keeps you watching, even if it’s ultimately pointless. They should have stuck with act 1 and followed it through.

Uninspired remake in which a marriage falls apart comedically (if only). Benedict Cumberbatch and Olivia Colman act their socks off. The tell-all trailer will be enough for most people to make their minds up about it. More cringingly embarrassing than funny. Whoever thought a remake of The War of the Roses was a good idea anyway?

If Hollywood cgi movies usually bore you (especially creature and superhero nonsense), try giving this a shot. Despite what some nerdy reviewers say, there are some neat set-pieces here among the boring bits. It opens badly with the main characters regaling us with their back stories, and ends in anti-climax on a night-time indoors set with the usual ‘it’s behind you’ jump scares. The middle hour, though, features some exciting set-pieces in attractive (if cgi) landscapes. The dinosaur river chase and especially the impressively-filmed section involving rock climbing on a huge cliff-face alone make the film well worth a watch.

In this belated and vastly disappointing third film in the trilogy, society has gone back to rural basics in small communities barricaded against the ragers. It’s like a sea-level version of the previous year’s more exciting Elevation. The shallow, stupid plot has a father take his 12yo son out into rager-infested woods with bow and arrows just in case… and you can guess what happens. For a whole hour. What was originally thrilling is now played out just for grotesque blood-letting without the original’s exciting music. After that the film winds down to a time-filling meeting with a mannered Ben Kingsley and an absolutely ludicrous ending that proves the production team has completely lost the plot. The sole DVD interest lies in the technical Extras, which feature the director talking about the extra wide screen and use of various cameras… alas to no avail.

Fun creature feature in the tradition of A Quiet Place. The interesting premise (the creatures can’t go above 8000ft) gives the film a scenic backdrop in the Rocky Mountains above Boulder, Colorado… and good to see that aliens haven’t gone metric. The film’s good to look at, the community of high-living enclaves of what remains of humanity is well-portrayed, and the wide-open vistas give room for energetic action sequences instead of the usual boring off-screen jump scares in dark rooms. The film breaks no new ground but, at a lean 80 minutes, it’s great entertainment.

Aka Number One Fan, this is so good it’s amazing it’s not been remade by Hollywood. Who will come out on top in this battle of wits between the accidental killer, the willing accomplice and the cops who’re closing in on them? The plot keeps blindsiding us and the twists and turns will have you grinning with tension.