Film Reviews by Alphaville

Disastrous attempt to make a film about a Spanish hero (Bruc – the film’s Spanish title) on the run from Napoleon’s army. There’s no plot or characters of interest and an over-reliance on rapidly-edited close-ups soon palls. The wobbly camerawork even makes you want to look away from the screen, as when the camera is placed on the tip of an artists’ brush as he’s sketching. It’s a major production with some stunning mountain scenery and one standout scene where a manhunt ends on a precipice, but overall the amateurish direction makes it a yawn-fest. The Making Of feature on the DVD Xtras is more interesting.

A classy German thriller that begins with a terrific and startling action set-piece. Unfortunately it’s the only one. There are shades of Silence of the Lambs as a serial killer in jail taunts our rural hero cop, but nothing matches up to that opening salvo. The plot becomes more interested in the psychological unravelling of the cop than in thrills or suspense. None of it is convincing, especially when overloaded with annoying biblical overtones. It does pick up again towards the end, but with a length of 2hrs it lacks pace and focus. On the plus side, director Christian Alvart, here making his first major feature in 2005, shows great flair with the camera and this keeps you watching.

Minor Phillip Dick short story can’t stretch to 90min run time, especially when it’s this poorly directed. Despite lavish sets, there’s nothing here but a simple tale about a human who might be an alien. Cue lots of boring running around in darkened interiors. In an effort to add some kinetic energy to the plot, director Gary Fleder waves the handheld camera around until you just want to look away.

Except he isn’t Frankenstein. He’s Adam. He’s killed his creator (who actually was Dr. Frankenstein) and 200 years later (i.e. now) he’s joined the Gargoyle Order to fight demons. It’s 88 minutes of risible dialogue and cgi gargoyle-demon action nonsense. Aaron Eckhart slums it as Adam and Bill Nighy turns up to chew the scenery as Chief Demon. Not even they can save it. Only high production values offer occasional interest and make you wonder what was everyone involved thinking.

In a dystopian future America, Nic Cage helps a woman and her son escape across the American West to Canada. It’s a well-worn idea that seems to have upset a number of over-critical reviewers, but a no-nonsense plot acted and directed with conviction gives it impetus. Basically it’s a road trip through the desert landscapes of the scenic West (filmed in British Columbia in summer and winter). Nic even underplays for once and actually manages to make his character engaging.

According to the DVD’s Behind the Scenes footage, the director was aiming to make a ‘rip-roaring adventure’. It’s too one-paced for that, but it does have a consistently ominous vibe helped by a nicely brooding score. Major downsides are the lack of any exciting set-pieces and baddies that can’t land a bullet on Nic even when they pepper him with sub-machine guns in plain sight. Also annoying is a calculated anti-Trump subtext (the film was released in 2017). As for the ending… make up your own mind.

The film is not what it could have been, but if scenery, atmosphere and a plot that keeps you invested are enough, this is a road trip that will keep you watching. Film buffs will also find the technical innovations discussed in the DVD Xtras especially interesting.

The stunning Train to Busan is a tough act to follow and this sequel struggles to reach the same heights. The whole Korean peninsula is now infected and our heroes must return from safety in Hong Kong to retrieve a truckload of cash. There are some apocalyptic images and plenty of frenetic action, but it doesn’t grab like the original.

There are some moronic support characters that could have strayed in from a Mad Max movie while at other times it’s more like watching an animated video game than a movie. Nevertheless it’s watchable, it has its moments and it builds to a rousing climax. Its main problem is that it isn’t Train to Busan.

Terrible title for a creature feature. Why not Creature from the Black Hole or Curse of the Sea Monster? At least that would have been more fun. The same goes for the film. It’s too silly to be scary and not silly enough to be fun.

The lo-budget mostly single-hander begins like a reality TV show, with a teenage girl stranded on a tropical island. Just when you’re getting bored, growling sound effects announce the monster’s nightly appearances, but during the day the girl unaccountably continues to act without undue trauma. Matters do improve when the man-in-a-monster-suit finally puts in an appearance but, even at a mere 75mins before awful rap muzak plays over the end-credits, the film seems too long to maintain any momentum. Still, it’s well-made, well-acted and, with the help of its exotic Fijian setting, just about daft enough to pass the time on a slow night

First of all, this deserves more than the single star awarded it by other reviewers, who obviously haven’t sat through bland talk-fests masquerading as films. This is a well-conceived and well-directed proper movie. In a future LA, Jodie Foster runs a secret hospital that harbours and treats wounded criminals. Meanwhile a mob, rioting against water shortages, is approaching. It’s a fascinating sci-fi concept with a John Carpenter vibe, a Terminator-style score, a bunch of strong characters and a plot that keeps you guessing as the tension mounts towards an explosive ending.

Unfortunately there’s a downside. The film ends suddenly after a short 90mins, with open plot lines that send you away unsatisfied. According to the director’s DVD commentary, this seems to have happened because it was decided at the last minute, owing to the Covid crisis, to lighten the otherwise-dark ending. See what you think. Otherwise, the journey will keep you hooked.

First of all, yes, you can watch this film with English subtitles and without commentary; just choose from the set-up screen.

It’s a docu-style drama set in the black community of the seedy Paris banlieus (suburbs). We follow a couple of equally seedy cops as they trawl around in their car butting in on street confrontations of one sort or another. As it’s “inspired” by the 2005 riots, you’ll soon see where it’s heading, but it takes a whole 50mins to reach a dramatic incident that amounts to anything more than local colour.

Despite the clichéd environment and plot predictability, it could yet have been interesting with a good director at the helm. Unfortunately writer/director Ladj Ly, who has made previous documentaries on the subject and been imprisoned for kidnapping, has nothing new to say on the matter and no idea on how to shoot a film. This is just an exercise in slice-of-life shaky-cam aesthetics. If anything, it’s UNdirected.

Naturally it won a prize at Cannes, but not from the audience. Not even a few Lloyd Webber anthems could save this Miserables. Congrats to anyone who can keep their finger off the FF button. To see how it should be done, watch the brilliant TV series Spiral.

British social realism garbage with no discernible cinematic merit. Straight to the remainder bin. Congrats if you even make it through the trailer.

This must be Olivier Megaton’s worst film, and that’s saying something. He can’t direct actors and he resorts to filming most scenes by intercutting between huge close-ups of characters talking. To add to that, sound and picture quality are poor. This effort is so bad that the only reason to watch it is to see how not to make a film. Unconvinced? Check out the trailer and don’t be fooled by the exciting goth-metal soundtrack used to make it seem exciting – that’s only used over the opening credits, after which everything immediately goes downhill.

China’s first full-on big-screen disaster movie and director Simon West’s best film for ages. The plot? Forget it. This is all-out action at a tourist resort on a gorgeous Pacific island with an exploding volcano. When it’s as well done as this, what more do you need? Even more exotically for Western audiences, it’s mostly in subtitled Chinese with no dubbed-for-morons option. Not that there’s much dialogue or that any of it matters. After some brief character set-up the lean 90min runtime is chock full of action.

The short runtime was caused by production problems that left a story gap concerning the flooding of a village, but that doesn’t detract from the viewing experience. This is what an escapist disaster movie should be. The colourful set-pieces are silly, OTT and brilliantly realised, resulting in stunts that are both exciting and fun. There are many ‘How can they get out of this’ moments. It’s spectacular, it has great special effects, it’s a ride.

Solid, stolid biopic of how young mime artist Marcel Marceau helped save Jewish children during WW2. It’s a heroic story given due reverence, but a bitty plot, bland characters, bland dialogue and bland direction make it more of a Sunday night TV drama than a great film. The two-minute trailer is able to tell the whole story and shows snippets of what little action there is.

Sad to say, Jesse Eisenberg is miscast as Marcel and the mime scenes are embarrassing. Interest lifts only when evil Nazi Klaus Barbie appears half-way through to give us someone to boo, although it’s unlikely he’d have become so personally involved in Marcel’s affairs. It’s a film with its heart in the right place, but it won’t be remembered as a great war film.

Timothée Chalamet wanders around New York telling us his thoughts in voiceover as he meets people as wealthy as he is (he’s called Gatsby, but he’s really a young Woody Allen in disguise). His ditsy girlfriend Elle Fanning from Tucson (cue jokes about the backwardness of Arizona) meets other people but doesn’t get a voiceover. Not that we need any voiceovers, because most of the dialogue is little more than people telling us their thoughts anyway.

The monologues/dialogues are full of elderly and pretentious references to New York and artists that Allen likes, but they sound ridiculous coming out of the mouths of the young actors, who sound almost embarrassed to be speaking their lines. As for the score… Bing Crosby, anyone? It’s all so lightweight that every scene disappears from memory as soon as it’s over.

It does improve slightly as the characters move from one mildly awkward encounter to another, but all attempts at humour fall embarrassingly flat. Allen continues to get to make the films he wants, so good for him, but sad to say this one is a completely empty exercise. Sorry, Woody.

For a martial arts actioner, this is an incredibly dull and dour film, with zero plot, zero characterisation and loads of talkie close-ups. The action consists of little more than a bunch of fighters practising their moves on stuntmen who attack one at a time and fall in exaggerated poses. It was filmed in Cyprus but you wouldn’t know it as no attempt is made to utilise the island’s dramatic landscapes. Thai star Tony Jaa deserves better, while Nic Cage in a minor role probably doesn’t by now. Cage’s stuntman gets more air time than Cage himself, while even Jaa, sadly, is credited with two stunt men.

Most of the blame must go to director Dimitri Logothetis, who has no idea how to film a fight scene except by hurling a hand-held camera into the stagey action. A Predator-style alien turns up as the chief baddie, but he has no more moves than any of the other stuntmen. Never has so much martial arts action been so repetitive and boring. Don’t be fooled by the trailer. 2mins of this stuff might appeal, but 100 mins is 98mins too long.