Film Reviews by NP

This is the most technically accomplished of Andrew Jones’ North Bank Entertainments’ productions, and the most enjoyable since, I think, 2018’s ‘Jurassic Predator’.

Talky to begin with, it features decent acting throughout with a fine performance from noisy gum-chewer lead clown Don Taylor (Lee McQueen), and while the leafy, misty landscapes are clearly not anywhere near Utah, we do seem to get some cutaway shots of a snowy US state (the film is also titled ‘The Cabin Murders’) to lend some authenticity to the detail..

The interior location is the same as the one used for Jones’ 2017 ‘Cabin 28’, and this acts as a kind of sequel, with some characters returning from that film.

When the very likeable family are house-invaded, things take a decidedly nasty turn. There are moments of genuine shock - mainly fuelled by the fact that this was based on true events.

It’s good, nicely paced low-budget stuff and I had a great time with it. It’s restored my faith is North Bank Entertainment and hope this is the sign of similarly fine things to come. My score is 7 out of 10.

Joan Crawford tops the bill in this alleged thriller set in a circus where someone is killing off the acts. Sadly, at least two of the most interesting characters fall victim to the murderer. Crawford is in her sixties here, and yet the only person to comment adversely to her cooing naïve sweet nothings to hunky Frank (Ty Hawkins) is wayward daughter Judy Geeson.

Sadly, the real casualty here is the story. Despite strong performances from a suave Robert Hardy as Superintendent Brooks and an underused Geoffrey Keen as Commissioner Dalby, no progress is ever really made on catching the killer, therefore there’s no real sense of pace or progression. It comes to something when the most impressive scenes comprise of footage from a real circus, involving magnificent animals made to look silly by smiling, costumed humans. When the film’s running time comes to an end (SPOILER), the killer simply confesses and manages to escape despite running through a live circus packed with performers, public and police – but don’t worry: the killer is struck by lightning and is killed - very convenient, very anti-climactic. Also, Jim O'Connolly’s direction is sluggish and contains some strange choices – at one point, switching scenes abruptly, cutting off a line of dialogue. There’s even a musical number towards the end, just to obfuscate the mood even more.

Joan Crawford’s long career had some ups and downs: many people view her final film ‘Trog’ as her least enjoyable. I would say ‘Berserk!’ actually trumps that. The odd gory moment seems very out of place in a sadly dull production, which is the biggest sin of all, especially using – or under-using – a fine cast including Michael Gough, Diana Dors, Philip Madoc all attempting to breathe life into proceedings. My score is 5 out of 10.

I like films that are complex and difficult to follow – it makes me think the brains behind the production operate on a wider plane than mine, and it is good to be guided through a twisted narrative by such a lead. But this potentially interesting story seems to be made up of two separate films bolted together.

A family of moderately irritating people move to an isolated cabin and find an injured woman in the surrounding woods (Barbara Crampton, who in a prolific career, played Anne Sacchetti in the excellent ‘We Are Still Here.’) As is often the case, they become a lot less aggravating once dark things start occurring. On that score, the production cannot be faulted.

As we go through the events of the story, all the strange inserts make a certain amount of sense, but some remain delightfully ambiguous. The ending is a wonderfully gory mess, but doesn’t have quite the impact it would have done if we had got to know more clearly what is going on and had a better understanding of the characters. My score is 6 out of 10.

This is a sci-fi/horror film with echoes of Ridley Scott’s ‘Alien’, which was released a year earlier. UK television name Ian McCulloch, sporting a lively hairpiece, is drafted into this Italian production to play Commander Hubbard. McCulloch is a good actor and plays rugged, no-nonsense types well. Here, his character has suffered a breakdown and succumbed to alcoholism.

There’s something extremely spooky about the rhythmical sighing emitted by the many alien eggs on display, and the gore effects are particularly grisly, but too much time spent without incident makes much of this a bit dull.

Things build nicely toward the end, where we meet a very impressive alien. The action sequences are very good, but they may have eaten into the budget which is why we are left wanting more. Luigi Cozzi directs the proceedings with a certain amount of flair. My score is 6 out of 10.

After an extraordinarily long list of production companies and their affiliates, we dive into a sometimes dull, sometimes very effective horror film that emerges as a kind of Nancy Drew mystery featuring some slightly bland teens and an increasingly frightening monster villain.

There’s also a very welcome turn from Robert Englund as Dr. Harding, who you are just waiting to reveal himself as the master villain. Well, he’s Freddy Krueger, isn’t he? (You’ll get no spoilers from me!)

The titular Midnight Man is an interesting creation. I loved his changing faces, signifying the horror current level of his nastiness. Apart from the occasional gore, though, I got the feeling I was watching a teen adventure rather than a horror film, despite Travis Zariwny’s suitably grim direction. My score is 6 out of 10.

Lilja Johnson, as young Catherine, acts most of the cast off the screen. The poor little lass gets no love, no affection, rarely so much as a kind word. Of the adults, Barbara Nedeljakova as Sasha pretty much steals the rest of the show.

You could say that the wonderful locations and nicely shot photography is sunk by the stilted acting, or you could say that the stilted acting is lifted by the wonderful locations and nicely shot photography (cinematography by Kirk Douglas)! Either way, there are some issues common with a lot of low budget and indie films: the lifelessness of most performances and some sound issues in some areas. Elsewhere, Gary Devon Dotson and Tim Worman's music is very effective.

The story is lengthened, if not strengthened, by a weird opening involving characters we never meet again, and features a dark haired girl who seems to have walked straight out of Japanese horror 'The Grudge (2004)'. Who these people are and what relevance they have on the unfolding tale, is a mystery.

The story is a decent one, with a touching twist at the end.

‘Cleavers: Killer Clowns’ is a Welsh production, with the cast putting on decent American accents. Director MJ Dixon’s cast also includes a couple of names often associated with fellow countryman Andrew Jones’s prolific North Bank Entertainment. The cinematography, either coincidentally or by design, reminds me of the style used on an early Jones’ project, 2014’s ‘Theatre of Fear’. Lots of tight close-us and a sickly colour palette don’t just obscure the limits of a low budget, but also give the film a feel all of its own, a claustrophobic atmosphere which is good for horror.

Dixon’s writing isn’t quite as successful, with some fairly repetitive dialogue. The storyline meanders a little too – but on the whole, I enjoyed this.

There seem to have been a lot of films recently similar to ‘Killer Clowns’; names like Jones, Louisa Warren and MJ Dixon can be found behind the growing list, and this is one of the better ones. Of course, it won’t impress those who are eager for fast-moving CGI and a few more bangs and whistles, but I’ve seen a lot worse.

Slow moving it may be, but it’s competently made and has a certain queasy atmosphere which is pretty unnerving at times. 7 out of 10.

This homage to HP Lovecraft begins promisingly. Sharply edited images of figures, glimpses of things, and an injured young man taken to an under-staffed hospital. Before long, staff and inmates seem to be transforming into extraordinary creatures.

A distinct lack of CGI lends the many grotesque effects on display here a similarity to films like ‘The Thing (1982)’ and others from that era. They work very well for the most part.

The story is at once fascinating and involving, but it’s possible it exhausts itself before the film is over – as time rolls on, things remain just as frantic, but become confusing and overtly, well, ‘cosmic’. This is fitting in a Lovecraftian kind of way, of course, but in a bid to top the wonderfully revolting creatures and situations we witness along the way, it loses its way a bit toward the end. My score is 6 out of 10.

A truly grisly selection of set-pieces opens up this film (the fate of visiting psychiatrist Dr. Ann McQuaid, played by Kristen Harris, is horrific) before we’re introduced, after the opening credits have rolled, to the inevitable teen heroes. Here, ‘Wrong Turn 4’ immediately plummets, from its promising opening, into awfulness. Only the original film in this series presented its non-cannibal characters as anything approaching ‘likeable’ – subsequently, any notion that the gang is meant to be anything other than ciphers is grossly misguided. Don’t worry about their blandness though: this blemish-free bunch is first shown having obligatory sex, which shows off their obligatory flesh. There’s some mild interracial lesbian titillation too. Who needs character? We have to wait until they’re making their way towards the West Virginian sanatorium in which much of the action takes place before the inevitable rock soundtrack always associated with such lukewarm characters kicks in but, when it arrives, it’s as instantly disposable as you would expect. And remember, kids, if anything mildly unpleasant occurs, the standard response is ‘eeww’, alright?

Do I sound unnecessarily grumpy? It is important that you be warned: these people are arrogant idiots, and you cannot wait for them to die in as graphic a way as possible.

We get a back-story for the cannibals in this one, which would be interesting, if it didn’t go some way to contradict what we already know about them. The woodland dwellers seem to have picked up their outdoor hunting skills in the sanatorium, which would be news to the inbreds in the original three films.

Alright, I’ll stop whinging. The location is evocative, and the snowy surroundings give off a further sense of the isolation for these unfortunate cretins, who are soon (a) stoned, (b) drunk and (c) horny. Well done! Ah, I promised to stop whinging didn’t I? Oops – one of them has just witnessed recordings of grotesque torture on a video playback. Another ‘eeww’, for the collection. Come on, Three Finger, Saw Tooth and One Eye – dismember this lot, will you? Don’t even build up to it – just do it.

Bloody and loud though the subsequent torture and death scenes are, they are never quite enough. You largely know what you’re going to get with this, and it delivers. One of my favourite bits is when four silly girls accidentally group-hack their friend to death. If you’re in the mood, it’ll entertain, but you might feel the need to fast-forward over the scenes before the cannibals turn up. My score is 6 out of 10.

Dennis Quaid is excellent as worn-out, recently widowed detective Aidan Breslin. In fact, no-on in the cast puts in less than a terrific performance, especially Ziyi Zhang as Kristin and Breslin’s two overlooked children who occasionally threaten to derail the plot (or do they?).

This is a dark, emotionally raw horror chiller, beautifully directed by Jonas Åkerlund. It seems to be building to something apocalyptic, or at least, something more impressive than the overtly saccharine ending we get.

It’s a shame the story ends in so anti-climactic a fashion, the journey up to that point is an inventive and interesting one that inspires lots of suspicions about various characters and their motives. A lot of this comes to nothing. My score is 6 out of 10.

This starts off well enough. There are some choppy edits, but the production, set predominantly on a train, looks good, with attention to period detail, and some fine performances.

Sadly despite all this, it soon becomes a confusing, rather dull mess. I’m sorry to say this, because there are some good moments, and things definitely liven up when Lance Henrikson arrives. The effects are decent, and it seems there is a message amidst everything that is going on, although I’m beggered if I know what it is. My score is 5 out of 10.

If a horror thriller can be described as a ‘hoot’, then this is surely it. Set in the Australian outback, we are introduced to a host of well drawn characters, all of whom have some genuinely hilarious dialogue. I won’t reproduce any of it here, as it does tend to be a little ‘earthy’, but it will have you laughing.

Not that this should be thought of as a comedy or in any way lightweight; you are, however, invited to have a good time with it thanks to the performances and script. The titular creature itself isn’t always as convincing as you desperately want it to be, but it never lets the rest of the film down – and on occasion, is a truly frightening presence.

Minimal CGI here, folks – and when it is used, it’s sparing enough to convince. Attention paid to the half-eaten corpses is commendable also. My score is 7 out of 10.

Louisa Warren, who previously produced such horror fare as 2018’s ‘Curse of the Scarecrow’ and ‘Tooth Fairy’ the following year, releases her most accomplished film to date – and there’s no doubting the scale of its ambition. This is one of six films she directed in 2019 and quite easily my favourite of those I have seen.

It’s a mixed bag to be sure, with many of its problems occurring because of obvious low budget (mainly a small cast of actors trying to look like a horde), but some details are sloppy too. The date given for the setting is given as 812 and 1812 at the beginning, and in the end credits, the monster of the piece is billed both as ‘Krampas’ and ‘Krampus’.

That’s the negatives out of the way for the most part. The location is stunning, the storyline is nicely paced. The various deaths (some of which take ages) are fairly bloodless, relying on gooey sound effects to convey non-present gore (my guess is they didn’t want to stain the costumes with fake gore). There are some terrific overhead shots. But the main praise goes to the main man, Krampus: Darrell Griggs gives a terrific, towering performance sporting a supreme make-up job which even survives the scrutiny of harsh daylight filming (pity it didn’t stretch to his comparatively human-looking hands though).

Far from perfect, this is nevertheless a good solid production that deserves support. I just wish they’d stuck with the original title – ‘Vikings vs. Krampus’ is a cracker! My score is 7 out of 10.

Viewed fifty years after its production, there is no doubt that Doctor Pritchard’s (Eric Porter) interest in pretty young waif Anna (the much missed Angharad Rees) is decidedly creepy at times. Dressing her in his dead wife’s clothes, casually walking in while she’s bathing, moving her into his home etc. goes well beyond professional etiquette, but his behaviour never strays beyond the avuncular.

An interesting and classy-looking latter-day Hammer horror, ‘Hands of the Ripper’ nevertheless delivers at its core a slightly cumbersome trigger for Anna’s transformation from innocent into a killer. In a SPOILER, as a child, she witnessed the brutal murder of her mother by none other than Jack the Ripper in front of an open fire, which caused myriad sparkling reflections. Following this atrocity, Jack picks up the little girl, embraces and kisses her. Subsequently, to arouse the darker side of her split personality, the adult Anna has to be embraced and kissed in front of any reflective surface that sparkles.

It’s noticeable that apart from Pritchard, the strongest characters here are female – and that includes Dora Bryan as rolling-eyed clairvoyant Mrs Golding, and lovely Lynda Baron’s salty prostitute, the wonderfully named Long Liz. Whereas Jane Merrow’s blind Laura is too cheerful to be true, Rees is charming and captivating throughout, making Anna’s story heart-breaking. The ending, inevitably, is a real tragedy.

A stylish production, Peter Sasdy’s sweeping direction gives little indication that by this time, Hammer were struggling. With productions like this, that itself is a tragedy. My score is 7 out of 10.

I’m sorry to say I've always found Monty Python to be massively unfunny: lots of smug men putting on silly voices don’t really make me laugh. There are shades of that approach in ‘Jabberwocky’, and this has many connections with that team. It is, however, different enough for me to want to see it, and I'm glad I did – the world here has echoes of Mervyn Peake’s ‘Gormenghast’, and that lifts my appreciation greatly.

This is a cavalcade of the uncouth and grotesque, the unrespectable and debauched, with only Michael Palin's Dennis Cooper displaying much in the way of decency. Joining him in this relentless onslaught of the unpleasant and the unwashed is a terrific cast including Max Wall, John le Mesurier, Warren Mitchell, Bernard Bresslaw, Annette Badland and Graham Crowden. It's the bawdiest of romps, a bit full-on but lots of fun, but not something I imagine I'll be watching again for a while. My score is 6 out of 10.