Film Reviews by BS

There is nothing in this movie about ...

How Stanley Kubrick was involved in filming the staged Moon landings, I'm afraid. It's almost entirely based on Leon Vitali's memories of working with the legendary director, and so you get some interesting insights into the genius of Kubrick, but also some of his human failings too. Such a shame old Stan had to leave, and that we never got to see all of Eyes Wide Shut, due to some scenes being edited out, but he will live on, every time we look up at night, that's for sure.

Tally Ho, Chocks Away, Let's Give Those Germans a Ruddy Good Fight!

You get to see the various iterations of the legendary aircraft as it progresses through the war. Accompanied by an inspired soundtrack, some great aerial photography, war footage and interviews with former pilots and people involved in its development. Amazing how technology improves so much when there's a serious need. Almost two centuries with trains however and they we'd be lucky to see one pull away from the station in the UK, what with all the leaves on the line and signalling failures. Why can't we all have a modern mini-spitfire to commute to work in?

Peter Bradshaw at the Guardian is to blame!

That reviewer awarded five-stars to this confusing, painfully dull and arrogant snoozefest. Half an hour in and it was switched off pronto - see other one-star reviews here. Listen to Bradshaw:

"It is almost a genre movie. But the genre is that of Haneke’s own invention. It is unmistakably his work, presented with his usual masterly compositional flair, a mosaic of horror, filmed by cinematographer Christian Berger in crystal-clear light, often with icily detached long-shot camera positions."

He thinks that watching someone in their wheelchair go along a road for a minute and then have a conversation in the distance for another minute that you can't hear because the camera and microphone are too far away, is "masterly compositional flair".

If ever there was a French movie, and there are many of them, where you wish you could rewind and get an hour of your life back, then this would be the one. "Mosaic of Horror" - I do agree Peter, I do agree ...

Gigantic Yawnathon

I couldn't find a single, solitary aspect to this film which was a patch on the original Spielberg classic. The plotline was probably written in about 10 minutes on a napkin, and the characters/acting is so by the numbers, you find yourself wanting to do nothing more than watch CGI dinosaurs rampaging about. Why don't we just have non-stop dinosaurs, we had that with the monkeys that can talk movies, I really think it's about time to ditch the cliched nonsense of humans trying to save or capture and sell dinosaurs, to having an all out Dinopocalypse. You have no idea how badly I wanted to see Chris Pratt get stomped on, or swallowed some hungrysaurus. The two-stars are for a couple of action sequences and special effects, everything else is pfff ...

No Justice

How is Zack Synder still making DC Comics films? The actors all look the part, but the CGI action and is eye-rollingly boring and unengaging. A little bit of banter is mixed with a dull as dishwater storyline, that made literally pray for Christopher Nolan and Bale to come back. Doesn't matter if Bale is too old now, he's a better Batman, let's have him back. But then again, maybe I'm missing a trick. The audience they're aiming for is obviously kids or adults with the minds of small children, so by that measure I suppose this is serviceable.

Murder on the Orient Snoozefest

Despite all the big names, this was one mega-boring, pretentious load of twaddle, masquerading as a murder mystery. I fell asleep twice, and when the ending finally came I couldn't wait to get the disc back into it's sleeve and return to the postbox.

A Tad unrealistic

It's been almost 50 years and humans apparently still haven't gone further than earth's orbit, last time was 1972 (allegedly), so take the "2049" with a grain of salt. By then we might have moderately better broadband, and maybe Brexit will finally have happened, but I digress ... Having not been a fan of director Villeneuve's previous sci-fi movie, but did enjoy Sicario, I almost booked a ticket to actually go to something called a cinema and watch it. Glad I didn't, because - just like The Arrival - this film looks and sounds the part, but massively fails to deliver. The story/plot is a mess, and it doesn't get much better once Harrison Ford finally makes an entrance. Why would replicants age and gain limps?

So, if you want to watch something far more interesting in terms of AI, consciousness and humanity/transhumanism, go watch the first season of WestWorld, or play Deux Ex: Human Revolution.

I'm Wondering why I'm writing a Review

Is it me or are superhero movies getting worse as time goes on? The level of CGI keeps improving, and the nonsense on screen gets more tiresome. How are you supposed to care about a superhero that is invincible/immortal? No tension whatsoever when you know for a fact, nothing is going to happen to your precious protagonist. Ok Gal Gadot looks great, but not sure there's anything else to Wonder about. WW1 nonsense about Germans using chemical weapons and the Brits are going to stop them is utter propaganda, so not happy with that (was Churchill who used gas on the Kurds - look it up). I can't recommend this to anyone. Just watch a Nolan Batman or the original Superman films instead.

Lock Stock and Many Boring Barrels

Charlie Hunnam is about the only redeeming feature of this snooze-athon. Can this really from the man who gave us Lock Stock and Snatch? Watch any episode of Vikings or Game of Thrones, or Excalibur - way better than this silliness. It's like Guy Ritchie wants to be Zack Snyder.

Nothing Atomic about it, but there is a blonde (some of the time)

The director ... oh dear. It looks like the guy watched a bunch of Bourne and James Bond movies, has aspirations to be (maybe he is) a music video director and has some girl power fantasies. Either way, what you get is neon, smoke, a cool chick who can single-handedly unarmed take out waves of dudes with guns, and strut about in cool coats in an 80s Berlin. Had high hopes with Blue Monday kicking off the intro, but the narrative and dialogue was painfully dull and clichéd. It's the kind of flicks where you just wish it would end, because it's just so boring. Ok, there's a few half-decent action sequences, including a brilliant piece of choreography in an apartment block stairwell. It looks good too. James McAvoy and Charlize Theron were wasted in this film. Someone has given this 5-stars, ha!

Life - You won't care much about it after watching this

Being marooned forever in a spaceship, with some lurking alien monstrosity, might be preferable to watching this all the way through for a second time. It starts quite well, and has the deceptive appearance that this might be a brainy sci-fi thriller. No such luck, it soon descends into tedious, predictable drivel about an alien. Two stars are for the sets and special effects and the first 15 - 20 minutes.

I would rather be a soldier in Vietnam than watch this again

Painful. All of it. I really hoped it was going to be fun, but man it was preposterous, tedious and terrible in every way. It gets a one-star because, as usual, the visuals are pretty decent. If it was Kong vs Godzilla, and there was no dialogue or wafer-thin, silly plot to get in the way, I might have given it another star. Oh dear.

Guardians of the Marvel Brand

Ok, for some reason there is a huge audience - millions of people - who think it's hilarious that there's this character - a mini tree with a cute face - who can only say a single word. No matter the circumstance this baby tree creature has even less lines to remember than Kenny Baker's R2 D2. This fantasy story is silly fun I suppose, with a bleak yet preposterous final act, with a twist that was a big yawn. I suppose when you have characters with names like "Star God" what do you expect ..

Valerian and the Movie of 1000 Problems ..

Cannot believe the same mind that brought us Leon: the Professional, has come up with this. Maybe it's the source material that's at fault, but even way - amazing visuals could not keep me from checking the phone most of the way through this. There are worse sci-fi films, and ok there are a few moments I looked up, but the story ... WTF ?

Plausibility Factor - ZERO

Yes, I know it's Marvel and everyone loves Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. This was filled with so many preposterous situations, coincidences and ridiculous action and an overly sentimental ending I nearly threw something at the screen. If you want a great movie about a hero and a little girl, watch Leon.