Film Reviews by LC

This steamy melodrama regarding a girl forced into prostitution is certainly a little rough around the edges, and the central dichotomy of the heroine as either abused hooker or loving wife is somewhat simplistic, but there is still plenty to enjoy. Diana Dors not only looks great but has a well-rounded role, and Herbert Lom is great value as the bad guy. If there is a main issue, it's that these two are far more interesting than the slightly blander main leads, but everyone gets a decent amount of running time. Add in a couple of notable cameos for Joan Sims and Michael Caine ( the latter a real 'blink at you'll miss it' one, admittedly), and a hilariously bizarre drug-induced dream sequence, and there's more than enough to keep this watchable.

This is a decent enough murder mystery, very much in the Agatha Christie style, only without taking itself too seriously. The plot is suitably twisty, and keeps the viewer on their toes throughout, and there is a sprinking of current political debate in the illegal immigration subtext. As solid as it is however, I can't help but feel that it perhaps could have been something slightly more. Had it pushes a little harder, this could have done for the murder mystery genre what 'Scream' did for horror, but it just doesn't have that impact. Despite a great cast, only Daniel Craig is particularly memorable (thanks largely to a ridiculous but amusing accent), whilst most of the other characters don't end up making much of an impression - and ultimatly it doesn't come across as particularly filmic. Solid, enjoyable, and worth a watch - but ultimately no more so than a superior episode of 'Murder She Wrote', or several hundred other TV whodunits. (3.5 out of 5)

Not entirely without moments of charm, the main problem with this romcom is that it's so predictable - not just in its romantic plot, but in it's caricatures of evil LA music moguls. It also struggles to comprehend that the Beatle's success wasn't just down to the quality of the songs, but the band as performers, and the charisma-free lead character fails to convince entirely on that level. There also seems to be a worryling toxic message at the film's heart, which seems to be that if you want the girl, then a guy has to sacrifice his artistic dreams and career for her. Be normal, is what the film ultimately tells us - which just doesn't seem quite right.

The idea of an evil Superman playing out as a horror film is a decent one, and a nice twist on the current glut of superhero movies. Unfortunately, something about it just doesn't work in the execution. As seriously as the actors take this, the whole thing just ends up feeling incredibly silly rather than scary, and the plot and characters are so thin it never really develops beyond the initial premise.

Clive Barker's 'Hellraiser' is a classic, and I enjoyed the 'Cabal' novel on which this film was based - unfortuantely 'Nightbreed' is a bit of a mess, and has dated badly. This fantasy/horror mix works on the page, but Barker clearly didn't have the money, actors or budget to make it work on screen. The lead actor has all the charisma of a piece of wood, and most of the cast are just as inept (only David Cronenberg comes out with his dignity intact), though none of them are helped by the crass dialogue. It's ambitious in scope, but ultimately comes across as a very silly monster movie. That said, it can be reasonably entertaining in a ludicrous 'so bad it's good' kind of way, especially when the local police suddenly turn into a gung-ho military outfit and start blowing people up for no good reason. With armies of rubbery monsters, cheesy dialogue, and enough 80's hairspray to rip a hole in the ozone layer, this is closer to the ludicrous 'Rawhead Rex' than 'Hellraiser', and is best enjoyed in the same spirit.

[NB - I have only seen the 'Directors Cut' of this film - maybe the Theatrical Cut is a vast improvement, though I kinda doubt it. ]

'Midsommar' clearly owes a huge debt to 'The Wicker Man', only this time it's wierd goings on involving an isolated pagan community in Sweden, rather than the Scottish isles. However, where that movie was anchored by an interesting hook of the investigation into a missing child, this feels almost devoid of any plot, and as a result feels slightly aimless at times. It looks great, has nice cinematography and performances, but the storyline is highly predictable - as soon as the group of American teenagers arrive in the community we all know what's going to happen to them - it's just a case of waiting to see exactly how it plays out. Still, this is an improvement on 'Hereditary', in that it doesn't fall to pieces in the final act. Ari Aster clearly is a talented director - it would just be nice to see him teamed up with a more inventive scriptwriter. 3.5 / 5

The only thing of note in this film are the huge number of big-name character actors - how they agreed to do this project, God only knows, as the script is a boring mess. For the first half of the film, I was willing to forgive the pace as a slow-burn build up, but even when the zombie apocalypse breaks out in full, everything remains sedate. The two main characters drift through events as though sedated on tranquilisers, raising a mildly ironic eyebrow at the events that occur around them, so thre's no real drama here. The postmodern idea that the characters are aware that they are in a film seems potentially interesting, but, like much else in this film, it doesn't really go anywhere. Characters are introduced, and then discarded in flat and uninteresting zombie attacks, or off-screen in some cases (and what was the point with the strand of kids in the detention facility? The storyline literally goes nowhere). There is no new slant on the zombie genre (the final tacked on linking of zombies with consumerism is lifted straight out of Romero's 'Dawn of the Dead'), and the cheap CGI effects mean there isn't any entertaining gore either.

None of this would matter if the script was funny, or clever, but it isn't - and all the great actors in the world can't help that. Stick to 'Shaun of the Dead', or 'Zombieland', and avoid this mess.

Whilst essentially a loose remake of 1977's 'Rabid', this film actually has echoes of several Cronenberg films, with moments harking back to the likes of 'Shivers', 'The Brood' and even 'Dead Ringers'. Some of the lead actors, and indeed several entire scenes, feel unconvincing and a bit on the amateur dramatic side - but there is a partial out given in that we are not sure exactly which scenes are 'real' and hallucinations, plus kooky , over the top and downright weird performances and moments were part and parcel of most of Cronenberg's best films, so it's hardly bad form. The full-on tentacle waving body horror of the climax is both slightly ludicrous and entirely in keeping with the source material.

It's by no means perfect, and it goes without saying that ultimately as a remake this isn't an improvement on Cronenberg's original - but it does come across as a well-meaning and solid tribute to the director's unique brand of body horror. [3.5 out of 5]

Ultimately, this is another 'haunted house' story - something the first series already did to better effect - only this time with a sprinkling of cannibal hillbillies. Conceptually, there are some interesting aspects here, with the series riffing on reality TV, and people affected by real-life tragedies interacting with the actors who portrayed them in 'dramatic reconstructions'. Sadly things fall to pieces during the second half of the series when things go into 'found footage' territory - characters start illogically filming everything and each other on their phones - even whilst in mortal peril, and we get endless scenes of people running around the the same two locations screaming 'oh my God!', with some of the worst English accents you'll ever hear. Previous seasons of 'American Horror Story' have been wildly inconsistent in terms of quality, but they've usually had enough crazy performances and over-the-top moments to at least be fun - this series seems to try to play things straighter, but the 'reality' footage never looks anything but fake, so it just doesn't connect, and ends up a pretty dreary bore.

Fair play to this film for its artistic ambition and willingness to set out on its own path, but ultimately this remake just doesn't come close to the power of Argento's original classic. The garish 70's colours and soundtrack of the original have been deliberately inverted, so this time round everything feels bleak, muted and wintery. The first three quarters of the film, with the menace at the heart of the dance school being slowly uncovered are reasonably effective - slow, but with a certain hypnotic charm. Unfortunately the explicit horror climax (complete with rubber monster prosthetics and CGI gore) is a complete mess, and derails much of the tone of what went before. The film is stuffed with allusions to contemporary political events but doesn't seem to quite know what to do with them, whilst the constant intrusion of the story of an old man (played by Tilda Swinton under layers of prosthetics, for some unknown reason) and his long-lost wartime love keeps derailing the focus from the main heroine. Ultimately, this feels both overstuffed and unfocused - some rigorous editing and hacking down the 2.5 hour running time might have resulted in a tighter and more coherent film. Sometimes less really is more.

This was ultimately a frustrating viewing experience, as this film seemed to offer so much more. It starts with a bang (quite literally), and the first half (starring Raffey Cassidy as the young lead) points towards an interesting take on the nature of fame, celebrity and the exploitation of tragic events. Despite a portentious voice-over from Willem Dafoe hinting at earth-shattering events to come, however, the film ultimately goes nowhere. Natlie Portman takes over as the older version of the lead character, and the film keeps threatening to explore interesting avenues (copycat violence, the pop star as religion), only to ultimately ignore them. Instead we get a final ten minute scene of a mind-numbingly dull arena show performance, with Portman very unconvincing in the role of Madonna/Lady Gaga-esque pop diva, some instantly forgettable songs and generic light show and backing dancers....and that's it. The film doesn't come to any kind of dramatic climax, it just stops. There are enough arty flourishes that it makes you feel like something deeper must be being explored, but ultimately it's the same bog-standard 'showbiz can f*** people up' story that's been told a million times before. Not entirely awful - a great opening, and I pretty much enjoyed most of the first half - but ultimately this story just fizzles out.

Visually this looks OK, although every frame is dripping in so much CGI (including the main character), that at times it becomes difficult to tell why they didn't just animate the entire thing, especially when the human actors give such hammy and cartoonish performances. All the characters are ludicrous stock types spouting generic cliches, and the entire tone of the film seems to be aimed at a very young age group, but the strange inclusion of a couple of swear words needlessly pushes this into a 12 rating (which I would argue should be an upper age limit). The script is a mess, being both overstuffed (it jumps around numerous plot points without ever really developing most of them, leaving the main villain and his motivation a complete enigma) and ultimately too thin, as the lack of conclusion makes it clear this isn't so much a self-contained film, but just what the studio hopes will be the first part in an ongoing franchise. Young children will find the visual noise and large characters entertaining, but this is otherwise irredemable and empty-headed nonsense.

This is well-shot, and looks good, but the storyline sticks so close to the original film that by the end you are wondering why they didn't just do a straight remake. Another tale of childhood wonder vs. the stifling evil bank; Cockney chimneysweep replaced by a lamplighter (complete with group dance routine); a trip to cartoon-land; a visit to a relative who floats on the ceiling replaced by a scene with a relative whose house turns upside down, etc etc. None of this would matter so much if these scenes were an improvement on the originals, but they just feel like hollow repetitions. This film is so busy trying to be a homage to the first film, it forgets to bring anything new to the table, which makes the whole thing feel like a pointless exercise. Like watching colourful but ultimately boring wallpaper. 2.5 out of 5

Not expecting much, I was pretty blown away by this film. Give another treatment, this could have been a fairly standard thriller/murder mystery, but the direction and black and white cinematography is gorgeous, and the whole thing is dripping in atmosphere. The plot doesn't so much progress from standard investigative procedure, as by a series of intuitive flashbacks and hallucinatory fever-dreams, which gives everything a strange dreamlike feel. The only reason I'm not giving this the full 5 out of 5, is that when the final explanation comes it is perhaps not quite as fulfilling as the lead up has been, but this is still a hugely impressive work. If you like 'Psycho', or the better Dario Argento films, this is definately one to watch.

This film looks a million dollars (well, several million), and on high-definition format on a big TV it's just about worth watching for the visuals alone. Unfortunately, despite the interesting concept of mobile cities preying on each other, the characters and and storyline here are nothing but obvious genre cliché and the dialogue is frequently ripe with cheese. Would recommend for children, who are too young or innocent to spot the clichés piling up (and apparently this is based on a Young Adult novel, so maybe a 'kids' film' is all it was ever intended to be) - anyone else, and you're just going to have to try to switch your brain off and enjoy the pretty pictures.