Film Reviews by porky

Welcome to porky's film reviews page. porky has written 238 reviews and rated 236 films.

Write your review

100 characters remaining
4000 characters remaining

See our review guidelines and terms.

Red Christmas

Christmas was really an afterthought ,

(Edit) 10/11/2019

Don't get this movie thinking it is in Any Way Christmas Based like I did . the fact they have a Christmas Tree at all was probably an after thought to make it a Seasonal Hit or something ,Absolutely NOTHING Christmassy about this monstrosity at all.

This movie is all about Abortion ,Anti Abortionists and Having Babies.

Based in Sunny Australia , a Family that really hates one another gathers for Christmas , but being Australia there is Nothing Festive about it .

One Miserable excuse for a Daughter is having a Baby ,the other Miserable Daughter Wants a Baby and cant get pregnant ,Mum had an Abortion 20 years ago which has been a secret until the 20yo Aborted child comes calling .

Stupid special effects, Stupid Acting, Stupid Characters , Stupid Actions by Everyone involved.

Really Don't Bother .

0 out of 0 members found this review helpful.

Write your review

100 characters remaining
4000 characters remaining

See our review guidelines and terms.

The Cleaning Lady

WHY ?

(Edit) 09/11/2019

Bizarre movie about a Cleaner with a Damaged Past and her Employer with a Damaged Present .

Why Anyone would employ someone to Clean that actually looked That Dirty I have No Idea .

Creepy, Disturbing and Twisted . Pretty Grim stuff and Not at all what you are expecting .

Worth a watch , and certainly memorably nasty .but still only a bargain basement production.

0 out of 0 members found this review helpful.

Write your review

100 characters remaining
4000 characters remaining

See our review guidelines and terms.

The Banana Splits Movie

Just Bananas !

(Edit) 07/11/2019

Pretty Fun Slasher Movie about Our Favourite Puppet Characters from the 60's being Damaged Killer Robots .

Not Bad Special Effects or Basic Story Line , Sadly some Really Terrible Acting makes it seem Much Worse than it actually is .

Entertaining enough for a few watches.

Good to see they got the Splits looking Bang On Perfect . Would have been Unforgivable had they got them looking Wrong .

0 out of 0 members found this review helpful.

Write your review

100 characters remaining
4000 characters remaining

See our review guidelines and terms.

Ma

Ma is a Maniac !

(Edit) 07/11/2019

Revenge is Sweet when you Chew on the Meat . Ma is a wronged lady ,Brewing on Shame she received back at school from her School Peers.

Stumbling upon a bunch of Kids that happen to be her School time Classmates Teenage Children she hatches a Revenge Plan and Befriends them all .

Personally I was on Ma's Side the whole movie. What a Nasty Bunch of Punk Ass Kids ! and what a Nasty Bunch of Parents they have .

I would have loved to see Ma go on a Killing Spree through the whole damn Town .

Sadly Sue-Anne aka Ma is not a happy woman and Treats her own child Abysmally .Faking her Illnesses and keeping her locked away like a dirty secret .

Creepy Thriller or Social Commentary on P.T.S.D after Mental Abuse ? Ma is a Victim but she also Victimises.

Damaged Goods all round here .Nobody is truly Innocent .

Very Watchable.Very Good Movie.Well Worth Seeing more than the once .

Think 'Play Misty For Me'/'Fatal Attraction/Misery ' style Mentally Deranged Revenge Thriller rather than Full On Psycho Horror.

0 out of 0 members found this review helpful.

Write your review

100 characters remaining
4000 characters remaining

See our review guidelines and terms.

Child's Play

Childish Brat

(Edit) 02/11/2019

This was more a Completely New Film than a re-Boot of Child's Play. Beware SPOILERS included in review .

There was absolutely NO Reason to even name it 'Child's Play' other than to get Free Publicity for it from a Backlash from Chucky fans .

Clearly the ONLY reason they tagged it onto the previous franchise as it has Absolutely No Link to that story at all.

What you have here is a more Present Day reworking of that other movie 'AI'

Deliberate Softwear Corruption by a Disgruntled Factory Assembler sets the Doll off on a Learning Curve without limits ,Sadly for the Doll its owner is a nasty Childish BRAT, so the Doll Learns Terrible things .one of which is How to Kill.

If His new owner Andy wasn't such a Bratty Little Sh@t ,teaching him All the Worst things about Humanity, 'Chucky ' would never have been a problem.

Who really is the Monster Here ? in my view ANDY .

Chucky only knows what he is taught .

0 out of 0 members found this review helpful.

Write your review

100 characters remaining
4000 characters remaining

See our review guidelines and terms.

In Fabric

Pretty Weak Material

(Edit) 30/10/2019

Interesting Idea, Great Story, I loved that we Follow a Single Garment through different Owners ,Sadly Its Very Badly Put Together .

Long drawn out pauses ,Far Too Slow Story Development ,Irritatingly Slow at Every Turn.

Interesting Set of Characters ,but Wasted on an Overly Arty-Farty Production that Killed the Comedy or the Horror .

Loved the Idea ,I just couldn't sit through it all again if you paid me . Tediously ,Tooth Achingly Slow .

0 out of 0 members found this review helpful.

Write your review

100 characters remaining
4000 characters remaining

See our review guidelines and terms.

Midsommar

Mid Mental Beakdown

(Edit) 30/10/2019

OK , Idea is a nice one,

Lets make a Movie that is a Cross Between Old British Cult Movie 'Wicker man' and American Gore-tastic '2,000 Maniacs' .

Could have been Great but ,To be honest ,the Characters are such a bunch of But-plugs ,you really don't care what happens to them.

If I liked any of them I might have cared more .but they all wore me out with their irritatingly Stupid Ignorance and shallowness.

Movie felt waaay too long, Very Slow moving story line. could have been cut down a lot closer in the edit .Did we really need to know about her family at all ?

I didnt Hate it but I didnt Love it either , it was OK, Just felt Far Too Long and Drawn Out .

6 out of 6 members found this review helpful.

Write your review

100 characters remaining
4000 characters remaining

See our review guidelines and terms.

Men in Black: International

Hmmm

(Edit) 29/10/2019

Didn't work for me , seemed Desperate for laughs all the way through.

His Character is Irritatingly Stupid and Her Character is Irritatingly Pushy .Not a Good Look for MIB.

Just spent the whole Movie Groaning at all the Stupid Decisions made by Both Characters . like reliving a Mr Bean type Nightmare .

0 out of 0 members found this review helpful.

Write your review

100 characters remaining
4000 characters remaining

See our review guidelines and terms.

Brightburn

What If ?

(Edit) 25/10/2019

What If Superman was a Psychopath ? .....well you would have Brightburn .

Interesting alternate story of the Alien Child growing up in a Loving Mid Western Childless Family the same as Clarke Kent ,Only This Child is Not a Force for Good.

Super Hero or Super Serial Killer ?

It doesn't take much to be One or the Other ,just the internal workings of a Specific Child's Mind , Nature or Nurture ? or Alien PreProgramming

Entertaining Horror /Superhero Cross over .

4 out of 4 members found this review helpful.

Write your review

100 characters remaining
4000 characters remaining

See our review guidelines and terms.

The Night Eats the World

OMG, Why did He have To Survive ?

(Edit) 23/10/2019

A Very Much ,Often Seen ,Basic Zombie Apocalypse Movie, Wake up after a Party ,The Only Survivor on the Planet .

Sadly the Only Survivor is a Complete Twerp.

Spent Most of the Movie Shouting Obscene things at him through the screen.

Found Him Too Irritating to Enjoy the Movie tbh .

0 out of 0 members found this review helpful.

Write your review

100 characters remaining
4000 characters remaining

See our review guidelines and terms.

Cold Skin

Left Me Cold .

(Edit) 23/10/2019

Why is it Modern Horror is Full of Ignorant Idiots doing Stupid Things that make Their and Everyone Else's Lives a Misery ?

Interesting Concept,sadly filled with Stupid Characters that couldn't even tie their own shoelaces .

I guess that is the message here , We, Mankind, are Ignorant which is Why We Destroy Everything .

Good enough Set,Costumes,Location, Special Effects,Acting etc..Infact all rather Excellent, just sadly a pair of Imbecile Characters letting it down .

1 out of 1 members found this review helpful.

Write your review

100 characters remaining
4000 characters remaining

See our review guidelines and terms.

The House That Jack Built

The Charnel House that Jack Built

(Edit) 23/10/2019

Strange trip through the life of a Serial Killer ,From Beginning to End .

Cross between 'American Psycho' ,'Henry,Portrait of a Serial Killer' and 'Man Bites Dog'.

Gruesome , Grim , Blatant and Unapologetic in its Honest Nastiness following close behind a Self Confessed Psychopath .

I Enjoyed it but I wouldn't ever bother watching it again. See it to Experience it. Great and Nightmarishly Believable Effects .

0 out of 0 members found this review helpful.

Write your review

100 characters remaining
4000 characters remaining

See our review guidelines and terms.

The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part

Its Lego ,whats not to like about Lego ?

(Edit) 18/10/2019

Entertainingly Silly. Following on from part 1 that Ended with an invasion of Aliens .

Well things only get Worse ....or Better ,Depending on your Idea of Lego Play .

0 out of 0 members found this review helpful.

Write your review

100 characters remaining
4000 characters remaining

See our review guidelines and terms.

Creepy

Very Creepy

(Edit) 16/10/2019

Sadly I didn't get to see the Ending of this movie, But Both Discs sent me Stopped at the same point in the story ,Maybe it was supposed to...That is Creepy.

Up until the point the movie stopped it was a Very Good and Creepy Murder Mystery/Thriller .

a Neighbour acts Creepy.

Across town are Unsolved Murders .

Bodies of Long Dead people, believed missing, have come to light within their 'supposedly empty' house .

Who is the man seen in the neighbours garden ?

who is this New Neighbour of the ex police detective that is acting so strangely ?

Will I Every Find Out ? I don't know .... but it was worth trying .

0 out of 0 members found this review helpful.

Write your review

100 characters remaining
4000 characters remaining

See our review guidelines and terms.

Mayhem

Mayhem with a touch of the comical

(Edit) 16/10/2019

I thought this was Great Fun.

8 Hours in which to get Revenge for loosing your Job.

A Company and all its Employees are Quarantined for 8 hours whist a 'Rage' inducing Infection has broken out in the building of a Law Firm .

Knowing the Rage Infection leaves you Free from Prosecution ,being that this Law Firm proved it in court previously in a Murder case .Anything goes without Guilt or Conviction for 8 Hours !

Management are Safely Locked in their Top Floor Offices as Disgruntled Ex Employee and Soon to be Evicted Tennant of said Company try to get upstairs to exact revenge before the quarantine times out.

Picture something similar to the 'Belko Experiment' but with more Humour

0 out of 0 members found this review helpful.
1234567891016

Help & support

Find answers to frequently asked questions and contact us should you need to

How It Works

See prices and levels and find out how Cinema Paradiso service works

Friends for Films

Invite your friends to join and get free subscription each month