Film Reviews by ME

Welcome to ME's film reviews page. ME has written 16 reviews and rated 1003 films.

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xXx: Return of Xander Cage

Somebody forgot to write the plot.

(Edit) 09/06/2021

This movie seems to have been a series of absurdly over-the-top action sequences stitched together with the basic outline of a plot, which was then filmed without bothering to write the bits in between the action sequences. A couple of times I was left confused by the sudden advancement of the story with little to no explanation of what was going on. The action sequences were enjoyable, but having a coherent story would really help its rating from me.

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The Man from the Future

A funny time-travel movie that plays by its own rules.

(Edit) 06/08/2020

A Brazilian Portuguese language film with English subtitles, which thoroughly entertained me from beginning to end. Doesn't spend a lot of time faffing about with a build-up and promptly gets into the story.

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Ghosts in the Machine

The last twenty minutes were good.

(Edit) 06/08/2020

An obviously low budget movie (nothing wrong with that) with an interesting concept. Unfortunately it takes waaaaaaay too long to get to the point. 4 stars for the end, 1-2 stars for the film preceding it.

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Swiss Army Man

If you enjoy simple minded toilet humour, then you may like this.

(Edit) 08/07/2020

I didn't enjoy it. Gave up about half way through due to it being full of bodily function humour, which I do not find funny, to skip to the end. It wasn't worth it.

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2001: A Space Odyssey

Kubrick movie: Looks great, garbage story.

(Edit) 01/07/2020

I can certainly appreciate this as a piece of art, it is wonderfully shot but slow, tedious imagery just isn't enough for me to keep up an appreciation for the medium of film. So many times we are treated to events in real time; if it's going to take ten minutes to do a task, you will be shown it, usually with no dialogue and occasionally with a soundtrack that wants to make you reach for the volume control to turn it down. The fast forward button also came into use for the first and last half hours of the film.

Odyssey (as defined by the Cambridge English Dictionary): a long, exciting journey. Long? yes. Exiting? no. One of the greatest films ever made? that's purely down to personal preference. I prefer THX1138 as my cinematic science fiction art piece.

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Kingsman: The Golden Circle

Had to rate it at least one star to "review" it.

(Edit) 24/07/2019

Loved the first one. Absolutely hated this one from the opening taxi fight scene (I did not like the camera zooming-around effect at all). The next half hour gave me nothing compelling to continue watching.

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Hot Pursuit

"Laughably terrible"

(Edit) 23/07/2018

I'm obviously one of these people who enjoy bad films. Given the abysmal rating on Rotten Tomatoes and it's low rating here, I can give this a whole-hearted five stars for giving me an hour and a half of laughs. Thoroughly enjoyed it. The Cinema Paradiso critic review reads like somebody who needs to loosen up a little, describing the movie as "an unpleasant and bitter experience." Or maybe he just hates women in comedy. I'm glad I gave it a chance.

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The Clonus Horror

The film which 'The Island' stole it's story from.

(Edit) 12/02/2018

While the visuals don't stand the test of time, the story becomes ever more plausible as we delve into the future. As the title of this brief barely-a-review indicates, this is virtually the same story as 2005 movie The Island, without all the ridiculous, over-the-top, action sequences. Clonus is not without its own explosive scene though!

If you can tolerate the poor quality (compared to today's HD standards) audiovisuals, then I recommend giving this cult classic a view. Not being a fan of Scarlett Johansson, I'll prefer to watch this, over 'The Island' any time.

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Teeth

Best bad horror comedy I've seen in years

(Edit) 11/10/2017

Because the tone is set as a drama, the ensuing unfortunate events just caused me to laugh hysterically.

I'm assuming that the reviews that give this movie low scores because 'it would have been good if it were a comedy' have no sense of humour or are intrinsically incapable of enjoying a film because it is classed as something other than what it is.

Bored of teen slashers and mediocre monsters? Give this film a try.

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Antichrist

The antithesis of something worth watching

(Edit) 17/05/2017

So utterly tedious that even when suddenly confronted with either scenes of graphic sexual depravity, or the scenes featuring some of the gorier sides of nature, I felt no emotional response.

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400 Days

There are plenty of words that describe this...

(Edit) 25/02/2017

Atrocious, awful, bad, cheap, cruddy, crummy, defective, deficient, dissatisfactory, dreadful, faulty, garbage, godawful, imperfect, inferior, junky, lousy, poor, rough, slipshod, stinking, substandard, unacceptable, unsatisfactory.

There is nothing competent about this movie. Just avoid unless you are curious as to how bad something can be, like I was. I can confirm that this is not one of those movies that a niche audience love, unless you like genuinely terrible movies.

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Unearthed

Potenitally okay film made unwatchable by shakycam

(Edit) 29/01/2017

The first third of the film got me interested. How often do you see the sheriff as a young woman with a drinking problem instead of some old white dude (with a drinking problem), for instance? We're tantalised with some horrific incident in her (presumably) near past that I wanted to know more about and then the action starts... with the camera being thrown around so much I couldn't stand watching the film any more. I can tolerate it when some kind of action sequence is taking place but the camera just didn't seem to stop waving around once it had started. To me it was unwatchable and my one star rating is based on that, since I never even got to half way through.

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The Last Witch Hunter

Micheal Cain is not the star of this film, so stop complaining.

(Edit) 25/12/2016

Personally, I found this to be Vin's finest acting yet! Note that I have only ever seen him as Riddick, not any of his other movie franchises. If you enjoyed his other sci-fi/fantasy type movies then this shouldn't disappoint.

I personally couldn't tell you what the review complaining about "a boring rehash of other horror action films" was on about because this isn't horror. It's sci-fi/fantasy. But then they, along with the other one complaining about it because they expected more from Micheal Cain, presumably only watched the film because he was in it. His name isn't even on the cover. He only appears on screen for a short amount of time. Get over it.

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Hector and the Search for Happiness

Nothing happy here

(Edit) 15/08/2016

The first half of the film was just a giant advert for tourism in China. The second half of the film was better, in that it wasn't an advertisement, but still failed to deliver.

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Late Last Night

Not a bad TV movie

(Edit) 24/02/2016

I enjoyed this film and would have rated it higher if it weren't for the cop-out ending. The curious thing is the timer running at the bottom of the screen for the entire duration of the movie, mostly fixed by forcing the picture to display at 16:9.

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