Film Reviews by Schrödinger's Cake

Welcome to Schrödinger's Cake's film reviews page. Schrödinger's Cake has written 59 reviews and rated 697 films.

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Snowpiercer

This film is truly awful on just about every level

(Edit) 22/09/2020

This film is truly awful on just about every level: starting with the stupid story, then grinding tragically through the terrible script, and then on to the heart-breaking waste of amazing actors. In the awful film category, this is one that has all the bases covered!

I really struggle to think of anything about this film that I liked. Well, other than Tilda Swinton's northern accent. But alas, it was a fleeting shaft of sunlight in an otherwise dull grey sky.

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Animals

Out of the same kind of vein as Fleabag...

(Edit) 22/09/2020

Animals is a cluster of amusing girls-behaving-badly moments (out of the same kind of vein as Fleabag), which are wrapped around an underlying exploration of "growing-up" in general, and specifically what constitutes motivation, focus and drive. I've not read the book, so can't comment on whether this is true to the original author's work, but I enjoyed it.

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Tenet

Like some of his other films, it is a work that only becomes whole in retrospect...

(Edit) 07/09/2020

I have to confess that a handful of Christopher Nolan’s films feature prominently on my list of favourites, so it was with high expectations that I booked my cinema seat for his latest film, Tenet.

This is a film that opens immediately into the thick of the action: no explanation, no backstory. And so it continues for the next few hours of my life.

Like some of his other films, it is a work that only becomes whole in retrospect: where the story only makes sense once you have reached the end of the film, and all the twists and turns have been laid bare. I also think that like many films I have enjoyed, it’ll benefit from multiple watchings: with each revealing subtle details that alter the way you see the characters.

I would say that I found it less immediately-accessible than some of his other films, but at the same time I didn’t feel that detracted from my enjoyment of the film. In fact, I am booked to see it for a second time at the cinema already.

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Monty Python's Life of Brian

I'm Brian and so's my wife!

(Edit) 28/08/2020

If you haven't seen it already, you're in great company (along with the other seven people on the planet).

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The Shawshank Redemption

You won’t be disappointed!

(Edit) 11/06/2019

Shawshank redemption generally lives in the top-5 of all the best-films-ever-made lists. If you’re reading this review because you’ve still not seen the film, then you’re wasting time: just get on and watch it for yourself. You won’t be disappointed!

1 out of 1 members found this review helpful.

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Navy Seals vs. Zombies

There are no redeeming qualities here!

(Edit) 14/04/2019

This was a truly awful film that I switched off after about 15 minutes. Drama-club quality acting, terrible script and direction, and hopeless special effects. There are no redeeming qualities here!

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The Girl in the Spider's Web

Ok, but not the high-point of the series.

(Edit) 14/04/2019

I enjoyed the previous films, so hoped for more of the same with this one. However, whilst it started out really well, it went downhill in the second half, and quickly began to feel silly and unbelievable. Ok, but not the high-point of the series.

1 out of 1 members found this review helpful.

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Leave No Trace

A close miss, but a miss none-the-less.

(Edit) 10/04/2019

I loved the script, acting and the camera work on this film. At times it is so intimate that it feels almost as if you are intruding. But that said, I think it gets the overall pace a bit wrong, which undoes some of the good work. In fact, when I checked, I was amazed that it fits the standard two-hour film model, as it actually felt more like three to watch.

Whilst I’m happy watching meticulous, detailed films, this one just felt slow. A close miss, but a miss none-the-less.

1 out of 3 members found this review helpful.

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Sicario 2: Soldado

As the credits came up at the end, I was left wondering whether there was a point to the film at all

(Edit) 10/04/2019

The first Sicario film was an ok example of the action genre, mostly as Emily Blunt made it interesting to watch. This follow-up feels like a pile of cutting-room snippets, knitted together into a film. And due to this, it frankly seems to be missing any kind of joined-up narrative to hold it all together.

As the credits came up at the end, I was left wondering whether there was a point to the film at all, other than as just another cynical cash-in, as so many middle-trilogy films seem to be …

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Warcraft: The Beginning

There are plenty of better ways to spend your time than watch this film.

(Edit) 02/03/2019

In the same way that being able to write and being an author are different things, having access to talented artists and state-of-the-art CGI doesn’t make you a producer/director. This is sadly yet another project that ends up feeling like a cut-scene from a console game that has been spun out into a 2hr film.

What story there is, is hackneyed and thin. And the cast alternate between drama-club overacting and barely being present on screen.

There are plenty of better ways to spend your time than watch this film.

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SAS: Black Ops

a truly awful film

(Edit) 14/02/2019

I don’t say it often but this is a truly awful film, which I abandoned after only 15 minutes. It feels like something the local amdram put together one lunchtime and was filmed by a 15-year-old on their iPhone. You would get more out of watching grass grow for two hours.

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Mile 22

Not a great film.

(Edit) 14/02/2019

I’m not averse to abandoning a film midway through when it starts to get ridiculous, and sadly this one fell into the bail-out bucket at around 30min or so.

Mark Wahlberg has been enjoyable to watch in a bunch of films, but this time around it’s as if someone said to him, “Have you seen Lethal Weapon? Yeah? Do that shout- a-lot-crazy-shit thing.” Which works for a couple of scenes, and then just gets dull. To the point where it felt like a parody.

Not only that, the super-elite tactical team ditch all their SOPs and make loads of ridiculous errors of judgement etc which just left me feeling it was pretty unbelievable, frustrated and disengaged.

Not a great film.

2 out of 2 members found this review helpful.

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The Pacific

I’d hoped for Saving Private Ryan, but got a playground brawl

(Edit) 14/02/2019

I really wanted to like this series, and watched the first two episodes through, before I decided it wasn’t for me after all.

The filming and CGI is good for a TV series, but the story just feels dragged out and loaded up with filler to kill time. What’s worse is that little is explained, and there are far too many characters, who quickly blend into a mess of olive-drab.

I’d hoped for Saving Private Ryan, but got a playground brawl.

0 out of 0 members found this review helpful.

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Alita: Battle Angel

I really enjoyed this film, and can’t wait for them to make the inevitable follow-up.

(Edit) 14/02/2019

I loved the original Manga work as a kid, so as ever with a film version I half expected it to be ruined in the translation. Of course, a bunch of the original story aspects are reorganised and renamed to make it work in the film-format, but the general feel is still on point.

The filming and CGI is great, and as expected from the production team, the story plays out at a brisk pace, that’s fun without being difficult to follow.

I really enjoyed this film, and can’t wait for them to make the inevitable follow-up.

4 out of 4 members found this review helpful.

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The Equalizer 2

a good example of the action-thriller genre

(Edit) 11/02/2019

When I saw that they had released a sequel to the Equalizer, I did at first suspect it would be the usual bag of barrel-scraping spanners. However, much like the first Equalizer, it is actually much better than you might be led to expect based on the premise.

The film production quality is still high, and the actions scenes are choregraphed beautifully. Though it does though feel much more recipe-driven than the first, and the plot is very predictable.

That’s not to say that it isn’t enjoyable. It’s definitely a good example of the action-thriller genre. And if that’s your thing, you should definitely give it a try…

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