Rent Sebastian (2025)

Disappointing, Derivative, Dull Contemporary London Rent-boy Blarney - Sebastian review by PV

OK so I wanted to like this film, I did. But in the end I found it dull, derivative and a bit irritating. It is not all that explicit either if you are watching for that reason.

There have been a lot of films about male prostitutes, MIDNIGHT COWBOY the classic 1969 movie with John Voight and Dustin Hoffman most notable in defining performances. House of boys 2009 is another one. No doubt there are more.

This is mostly set in contemporary London and depicts the way such escort services have moved online, as has so much of our shopping lives!

What really made me roll my eyes is the idea that this 24/5 year old man is apparently one of GRANTA's 'one to watch' new authors of fiction and only after having one short story published. Gosh, and he already has an agent and a publisher begging him for a novel. What strange fantasy world is this, I wonder... In the last 20 years I have had contact with many writers of fiction and ALL published had to struggle hard to publish, often after years of rejection. Some selfpublish with success and some are signed later by agents and publishers.

Always a risk, as with films on fictional pop stars, when we actually hear the songs - which are always bad. The same happens here when the character Max reads his work to a reading group. What he reads is dire, very derivative bland prose peppered with stereotypes and clichés such as a man yearning for sex like a hungry/thirty man in the desert. Hardly original, that clunkingly obvious and trite metaphor. I found that entire claim absurd. WHY create such a character who is a supposed literary prodigy?

The only true thing is when they showed him with 5 other GRANTA young writers to watch and he was THE only 'white' male. True dat, these days. You have to be gay or disabled white male writer esp writing about those issues if you are to get equal treatment these days.

One line made me laugh: "there're no money in writing fiction, or writing anything, full stop." SO TRUE!

SO the rent-boy here - a British one, when I believe courtesy of Keith Vaz news story that many are foreign, often Romanian - predictably hooks up with older men, and rich Arabs in the closet in an orgy, and then an older academic whom he likes and talks with about literature etc. And somehow it ends up overseas with an unrealistic series of scenes which had me shouting at the screen almost: CALL THE POLICE!

Cue arguments with his agent, publisher, literary types and his supposed employer - but why would a freelance journalist even need to be in an office? They work from home.

I did watch some of the extras and cringed when the director said, as the remaker (NOT creator) of Dr Who Russell T Davies has done, that gay characters have to be played by 'out' gay - or 'queer' as he says - actors. Not 'cis straight males', and I quote. Come on now guys, think it through! That also means that out gay actors should be stopped from playing straight roles. That is NOt progress in any way, shape or form, That is identity politics tickbox tosspottery gone mad! It's called ACTING for a reason. You really do not have to be an 18th century pirate to play 18th century pirates. Get real eh?

Anyway, almost 3 stars but it is really a forgettable - not shocking or original - film in love with itself, and funded by Lottery and BFI, so 2 stars.