Rent Ask a Policeman (1939)

Spoilers follow ... - Ask a Policeman review by NP

Turnbotham Round is the envy of Britain. The absence of crime there is such that the BBC themselves have come to make a programme about the place, specifically Sergeant Dudfoot (English comedian, actor, author, film director and amateur astronomer Will Hay). 10 years have passed since any crime was reported, and while Dudfoot is being congratulated for lack of poaching activity in the area, his two colleagues march past the window laden with game. Such unfortunate coincidences are the backbone of Hay’s comedy. His colleagues are Hay regulars, precocious schoolboy type Albert Brown (Graham Moffatt) and diminutive, wittering old man Jerry Harbottle (Moore Marriot).

The turn-side to their crime-free village is that the authorities begin to feel that three policemen are unnecessary. Wary of losing their jobs, which comprise of doing nothing in particular except arguing in quick-fire chatter, the trio go about inventing crimes, unaware that a smuggling caper is going on right under their noses. As a cover for their nefarious activities, the gang exploit the local legend of the headless horseman. Conveniently – and hilariously - a rhyme regarding the horseman contains a reference, in its elusive last line, to a cave where the smuggling activities are taking place.

It’s the headless horseman that earns this dated cavalcade of squeaky chit-chat, comedy sniffs and funny walks any connection to the world of horror. It is surprisingly well realised, and the first of its fleeting appearances are steadily built up by whispered forebodings of the nature of its curse, and the blazing ‘phantom hearse’ it travels around the night in. (“Look at the driver’s head.” “What’s wrong with his head?” “He hasn’t got one!”)

Hay is best known for being the head of this particular team: in real life, the private and serious man didn’t want to be part of an ensemble, and dumped them when he moved from his prolific phase with Gainsborough films, with future side-kicks including John Mills and Charles Hawtrey.

The comedy seems very stagey today, very pantomime-esque and too ‘large’ for the small screen. It is silly rather than sophisticated, and not without a large degree of charm, even a few laugh-out-loud moments – mainly due to the dialogue between the three leads, in a finely timed barrage of misunderstandings.

Harbottle: Help! Help! Police!

Dudfoot: Shut up, you old idiot. We are the police.

Classic Comedy. - Ask a Policeman review by Steve

Though this is promoted as a Will Hay vehicle, it is really a showcase for the special synergy of the comic ensemble he formed with Moore Marriott and Graham Moffatt. There is barely a moment when the trio are not on screen together, engaged in inspired, screwy, petty squabbling.

Sidney Gilliat's story is standard, but durable. The threesome are policemen in a sleepy coastal village. Head office plans to close their station due to lack of crime, so the hapless bobbies start a smuggling racket to give themselves something to investigate. This brings the coppers into conflict with real smugglers who operate a ghostly headless horseman to keep away the curious...

What is remarkable though, even for a peak Will Hay film, is how many gags the writers cram into every minute of screen time. That's Marriott Edgar and Val Guest. It never flags. Even the inevitable extended chase sequence at the climax of the film is better than usual, and recalls the slapstick of the silent era.

It's the Will Hay formula in a different hat. But the trio burn through so much hilarious foolery. They are like grotesque, fearful children, out of their depth in the ordinary world. Not even all that admirable; Will Hay's persona is one of the great connivers. Another film and Hay would leave Marriott and Moffatt to fight screen Nazis. But without getting close to this quality.