DO NOT BOTHER, EXTREMELY LAME FILM
- Fifty Shades of Grey review by CP Customer
Cannot believe how utterly dismal this film was, from the really bad acting to the very lame sex scenes, what a waste of my time!
Do not bother wasting your time with this really bad film!!
1 out of 1 members found this review helpful.
- Fifty Shades of Grey review by SN
Saw this with the misses as I really wanted to see what the fuss was all about and to see if it really is that bad. It is.
What surprised me the most was not the absolute drivel of a plot or a absurd nature of the script but just how damn boring the whole thing was. Really it is quite dull. I yawned 3 times in the closing hour. Even the misses who at first was all giggly and laughing at the screen for the first half hour was utterly silent and turned off in the second half when it went all S&M and bondage crap. It was not even kinky. We just watched some rich dude gently beat some pretty upper middle class white virgin in her early 20s (but who looked like 26). So this was what middle aged woman crave ?. This is the best that they want ?. This and Strictly I suppose.
The whole aspect of it was utterly unrealistic. We have a billionaire playboy who does zero work (it would be nice to put some background story of how he made his millions - nope.)
We have a sub plot about some Mexican dude who also fancies the virgin 20 year old but that sub plot went nowhere. In his second scene he makes a pass to the girl and then he got whacked by the billionaire and then went off sulking some where never to be seen again. You would thought some sort of dramatic scene would take place, like a stand off, but again - nope. So sub plot was not even a plot. It was really just 2 scenes that served....well nothing really. Just scenes. To waste time.
This billionaire then wants this 20 year old virgin to sign a contract so that he can do a bit of S&M on her. She falls in love (maybe because he is her first and you know the first cut is the deepest) and cannot understand why he is so fucked up. He does not want to tell. She walks out. That is it. That is the film. It just ends. Not with a cliff hanger but her just leaving....on a billionaire...who lightly slapped her...oh yeah and spanked her a little. So a 20 year old colleague student, who works in a shop, walks out on a billionaire who buys her things, like first editions, a laptop and really expensive car because he spanked her bottom 6 times. She walked out on a billionaire because he would not "respect her". Did we (the audience) care. Nope. No 2 f***s were given.
Everybody in this film was thin, good looking and either rich or very well off. Like everyone. Even the butler. And all the extras. All the people in the nightclub - they were good looking. All the colleague students - yep they were pretty as well. Everyone was good looking. It went beyond Hollyoaks, it was like watching a world where eulogy succeeded.
The story had no tension. Not even sexual tension. It was like watching a high class soft porn movie when all see is the occasional bum and tits. Jesus in a world when HBO and Starz give us simulated sex that outclasses this you begin to wonder - why the appeal ?.
If it can awarded zero it would get that but since 1 is the lowest star, it will get a 1 only because I got to see Dakota Johnson's bum, and that, at least will make up somewhat for the wasted evening.
I can see why the book was a hit on the Kindle, to save the embarrassment of someone admitting they have read this absolute garbage.
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